Completion

Inspirational song: I Robot (The Alan Parsons Project)

The sleeper costume is as done as it will be for a while. If the gang finds a cosplay convention to attend while it is still cold weather, I'm sure we will break out the fabric paint and put on the robot-looking articulation lines. Until then, I'm calling it. I put the little wrist bands on at 3 this afternoon, and handed it off. They did a bunch of trick-or-treating before coming here for photos. By the time they arrived, Val was pretty worn out. She sat in my lap for a bit while we fed each other barbecue potato chips, and then she ran around with her favorite toys. We waited too late to get happy baby photos. I have to be honest, I like what we got better. It was much more true-to-life.

Other than our baby, we got exactly one trick-or-treater. I'm pretty sure I know why. Our front porch light is on the fritz. It has been for ages, and after one attempt to fix it many months ago, the Mr kind of just left it. A turned-on porch light on Halloween is the universal sign for "get candy here," is it not? What are the odds we will figure out the problem with the light before next Halloween? We had better. The one girl who showed up got two man-sized handfuls of candy. I was in the kitchen calling out "load her up!"

Happy Halloween, folks!

Dawn Patrol

Inspirational song: Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats (Cats)

My goodness. Last night was painful. I sat in one spot, doing a teeny-tiny blanket stitch of sorts, putting as many details on that sleeper-costume as I possibly could before I fell apart. My daughter said she wanted me to get at least the green and red details before the parade, so I just kept going. I listened to hour-long podcasts, and full-length comedy specials, and I sewed and sewed and sewed. At 1:30, I was glad it wasn't yet 2:00. At 2:55, I looked up in horror that it was nearly 3:00. I think I whined audibly from 4:00 to 4:30. At 4:56, I took a picture of the costume draped over the ottoman, and texted it to my daughter, saying that I would not be going any farther, and I also would not be greeting her when she picked it up. I then took a muscle relaxer (I was one giant knot by then), and I went to bed. I remember nothing else until the Mr peeked in at 11:30, wondering whether I was still alive. I came out after noon, and found a thank-you present next to my sewing mess.

They had a grand time at the parade, while I was happily sleeping the morning away. When my daughter came back with the suit so I could add more to it, she showed me how it needed to be washed, because it had bits of breakfast and baby's first Tootsie Roll on it. (They said she ate the Tootsie Roll through the paper before they caught her in the act.) Once clean and dry, I added black shapes to the arms and I created orange and black stripes to go over the shoulders, that are pinned but not attached. I realize that I didn't get a photo of where it stands tonight, but I am in bed now, and my body hurts too much to go get a picture from the living room. You'll see the whole thing in the Halloween night post.

While I stitched, the others carved a whole bunch of pumpkins. The Mr did the gutting and face-carving, and our daughter separated guts from seeds while Valerie supervised. He prefers very classic primitive face forms, so that is what all of them are. The consensus favorite was the "kitty" face.

Crunch Time

Inspirational song: The Time Warp (Rocky Horror Picture Show)

Look. People. You know I love y'all. You know writing gives me purpose. But I can't stop to spend that much time tonight. I have to focus on a different art form, one I have been practicing since I was six years old: sewing. It is currently a quarter past midnight, and the kids want to walk from our end of town down to a Halloween parade that starts in under 10 hours. I'll meet back up with you later, when costumes are actually done.

Ghost

Inspirational song: Ghost In This House (Alison Krauss)

Halloween is almost upon us. There is no more time for anything except costume making between now and Sunday. Honestly, I had better do it from sun-up to bedtime tomorrow, because I have been told my daughter wants to take the baby to a parade Saturday morning, in costume. Time is running out.

They came over today to see the progress I made on the outfit. Considering I had only just finished cutting out the pattern I made by copying a size 2T sleeper they left me to use, progress was minimal. Cutting out fleece while sitting on the floor, with a baby determined to stomp on pins, was not ideal. That took way too long to accomplish. My tired butt on the floor wasn't ideal either. Eventually I was so sore I just gave up and sat around exchanging ghost stories with my son-in-law. (At one point, I had sketched out the layout of the house where I grew up in Oklahoma, explaining one of the weirdest things that happened to me and one of my high school buddies, that we still can't explain. Not much sewing happening at that moment.)

We haven't called the baby Grumpus quite as much lately, but boy she was feeling cranky tonight. We eventually discovered what was bothering her, but only after more than two hours of grumping. She needed and received a lot of extra cuddles. I hope she has a better day tomorrow.

The basic white sleeper base is done for the costume. I will be appliqueing details on it tomorrow. Maybe I will have time to make mine small enough to fit before Halloween.

 

Tidy Up

Inspirational song: Dirty Life and Times (Warren Zevon)

Nothing like opening up one's house at the last minute to clarify the mind and light a fire under one's butt to clean everything. Until yesterday, no one in our Wednesday group knew where we were meeting or which version of game we were playing. Hearing no other suggestions, I offered mine, knowing full well that I haven't had energy to keep the place up in ages. No time like the present.

I got a call at 7:15 this morning, telling me that my appointment was canceled because the person I was seeing had to attend to a death in the family. There was no arguing that. Not my place to make someone work during a tragedy like that. So I snoozed for another half hour, and got up to throw myself headfirst into cleaning. Starting with laundry and loading the dishwasher felt like easy but productive ways to start, that were also fire and forget. By the time the day was done, I had cleaned the living room, including shampooing the rug, tidied the bathroom, and scrubbed enough of the kitchen that my daughter could make pumpkin soup for the lot of us over here. I rested a lot along the way. I had to stop and start so many times, I compared it to having your car overheat on a lonely highway in the middle of nowhere. You can drive a mile or so, but then you have to pull over on the shoulder to let that beast cool down. Takes forever to get anywhere, bit once it's over there is a huge sense of relief.

I haven't yet donated the brown chair that was my usual perch yet, so by dragging out my craft room chair we had enough comfy space for everyone in the group for the first time since we came up from the basement setup. It won't stay like this long, but it was handy when we needed it.

 Valerie bounced back and forth from being too shy to look at people, to being the star of the show. It's hard to predict what a toddler is going to do at any given moment. She wasn't too shy to come running out fully naked from her bath, when she was supposed to be getting calm and quiet from warm water and fresh jammies. At the same time, she spent almost the entire evening not using any if her words, unless she was with her parents and forgot the rest of us were here.

See It All

Inspirational song: Look Sharp! (Joe Jackson)

Thirty minutes past the point I expected to stop last night, I tried on the rough-finished vest part of my costume, and... it was too big. Like miles too big. Not "a dart down the back and good" big, but "rip out the side and princess seams and recut the pieces" big. So I gave up and went to bed. I was too tired this morning to do any more on it. In the parlance of this week's internet fad, it was a no bones day. I went ahead and practiced getting my red hair wild and curly like the Disney Princess I'm copying, and that was my solace. I'll get the rest of the costume done by Halloween (hopefully).

I had a dermatology appointment this afternoon. I go a couple times a year now for thorough skin checks, after the skin cancer that made my nose asymmetrical. She looked me over head to toe (and I mean scalp to ankles, really), and declared me in good shape. I had a couple spots on my face that made me fearful, and they were great. I'm always freaked out if I even get a clogged pore near the side of my nose where they removed the last chunk. I have had enough pieces of me cut off to last a while, even if I do have another bit to remove in six months, after the radiation finishes simmering. It was nice having one doctor declare that everything was currently perfect. I don't hear that often anymore.

I'm discovering how lovely it is to have a giant cushy chair positioned where I can melt and look out the window at the fall colors in the neighborhood. Most people are being slow raking up leaves, and that makes me so happy. If the leaves didn't get slick when it rains, I'd be thrilled if no one ever raked. I came home from my appointment via a route where I could see long views of all the trees in their spectacular colors, made even more beautiful by a heavy cloud cover as a fast-moving weather event rolled through. I try to focus on the colors at least once a day, more when I can. It's so soul-soothing, and it's one of those things that is best savored live, not in photos. This truly is my favorite time of year.

Finish It Now

Inspirational song: Prove It All Night (Bruce Springsteen)

It's gonna be just like the old days. I'm going to stay up way later than I ought, sewing something I expect to wear tomorrow. Why do I do this to myself? I've been pulling this stunt since I was a teenager. Now, sure, I felt like crap all weekend, and didn't get as much advance work done as I expected. I feel like crap now, but I don't have any choice but to push through it. Currently I'm promising myself I will stop sewing at midnight. It's more likely I will go until I encounter another major problem. The first one was my machine dropping a whole bunch of stitches while I was trying to zigzag. (After a lot of cursing, I Googled it and changed the needle.)

This is not the only project this week. I also am making a sleeper for Valerie based on some Anime character I've never heard of. Thank goodness I don't have to start that one until at least tomorrow afternoon.

The kids came by to give me a sleeper to copy, and our daughter finally picked up that giant box that has been sitting by the door for a week. She traded us an enormous recliner that was getting tossed out at her work. It's not my decorating style, but damn, it's comfortable. One of the vintage rockers needs some repair work, so it needed to come out of rotation. Now we have even more space to rock that baby to sleep, and fall asleep ourselves at the same time.

Prep Work

Inspirational song: Save It for Later (English Beat)

For a couple of years now, I've been worried that Slow Hand, my beloved and trusted massage therapist, would decide it was time to pack it up and retire. Both times that I disappeared for months at a time, during chemo and then early-stage pandemic, I worried that I would return and he'd be gone. Now, twice since summer, Massage Envy has sent me text notifications of canceled appointments. I am more concerned than ever he will decide he is getting too old and broken down to keep going. I had been thinking of rescheduling the appointment that was supposed to be next Friday, with someone new, so I could "interview" new therapists, as it were. Today, fate took over, breaking me out of my procrastination.

I got a call right around lunchtime asking whether I wanted to take a spot at 5:30 today. I thought it over for about half a second, and jumped on it. The young woman I met was approachable, knowledgeable, and experienced. She and I clicked from the first few moments of my visit. She is plugged in to the local medical community, and either has direct experience or family/friends with a lot of the same things I'm going through. I didn't have to do a whole lot of explaining. She read Slow Hand's notes on my chart, and knew exactly how to approach my problem areas. I came out of that massage feeling amazing, and now I know who I can go to if/when my dear friend decides to retire.

The one problem with taking this appointment last minute is I ruined my plans for the day. I was supposed to be starting my Halloween costume, and now with me all loose and limber, I'm reluctant to sit on the floor to cut out fabric (my usual work space). I don't want to mess up my happy muscles, but I may have no choice. Need to have the costume wearable by Tuesday. Gotta get to work.

Fermenting

Inspirational song: Oops, I Did It Again (Britney Spears)

I give up. I can't even fake a short essay tonight. I'm so tired and out of sorts. I spent almost all day in bed, mostly asleep. I had two parties to attend, and I made it to neither. I am assuming this is the "it will catch up with you the first couple weeks when it's over" part of treatment. So if it's all the same to y'all, I'm gonna check out, and maybe watch the replay of SNL until I fall asleep again.

High Spirits

Inspirational song: Reasons to Be Cheerful, Part 3 (Ian Dury)

So there I was, standing at the cutting table at Joann's, getting multiple colors of fleece for a very small Halloween costume, and we could hear the ear-piercing shrieks of a tiny bird of prey as she wandered the crafting aisles out of sight. I smiled to the lady cutting my fabric and said, "I get to ride home with her." Such a little goober, owning the space in the craft store, just like she does everywhere we go. She is a superstar. The really cool thing was when she was still in the shopping cart, and we first went down aisles where she could feel the different textures, we asked her to say "fabric." She tried a couple times, and it came out "bah-brih." So good.

I found a really good navy blue knit for my "modern-day Merida" costume, which I need to start asap. I want to have it done and wear it to Rotary on Tuesday. I hope it comes out as planned. The little outfit for Val will be basically a sleeper with specific details, so that may take a little time to get right too.

The puppy got an out today. I made her sit in the car at two different stores (both of which had front windows where I could watch her the whole time). And then she got to have a walk around Petsmart. Now she is much happier than when she was nose-to-nose with me while I was trying to nap on the couch. That kid gets bored easily.

I am applying lessons I've learned the hard way, and posting super early tonight. We are going next door to watch Shaun of the Dead, and I know T will guarantee I do not come home sober and clear-headed. I think it is his life's mission to see us more intoxicated than we ought to be. Tomorrow may be rough, but we are gonna be cheerful tonight.

Slow Boil

Inspirational song: Getting Better (The Beatles)

Oh, yeah, this is what I needed. I didn't have to go to any appointments today, for anything. I stayed in pajamas and did very little. No one pointed a radiation emitter at me. No one asked to see the irritated skin on my breast. I enjoyed the solitude and complete agency over my own body. Well, I sort of had solitude and freedom of choice over my body. I had an animal pressed up against me nearly non-stop all morning and afternoon, until I actively started the process of changing my manicure. No cat wants to stick around when the aluminum foil and pure acetone comes out. I was still sitting there on my new love seat, in stinky pajamas, foil wrapped on all my fingertips, when my neighbor came over to pick up something, and it occurred to me it was almost 5 pm, and I really ought to shower soon, since we had planned to go out to dinner tonight. Oh, if I have to.

It was a celebratory dinner. I wasn't griping about going out. This was my way of recognizing that one more intense round of treatment has ended. I choose to believe I won't need it again. I don't know what the future holds, but if I never have another cancer diagnosis, I'll be quite happy about that.

I will continue to take things slow for the next few weeks. No reason to rush back into a hectic schedule. I'm a little worried that activities will find me, even if I'm hiding from them. November and December tend to get crazy whether one plans it or not. For now, I will stay at this speed, and let all the radiation work its magic.

Ringing Endorsement

Inspirational song: Policy of Truth (Depeche Mode)

Two days later than we expected, I had my final radiation treatment... for this round. I hope it is the last time ever. But then, I said that last time, didn't I? This current round of cancer was a total surprise. I will forever be grateful they were assertive with me about scheduling my mammogram--they set up the appointment months in advance, for 366 days after my previous one. It was the reason this cancer was found when it was tiny and not yet invasive. They informed me that I'd be getting screenings every six months for the next two years. I will comply, and I will not whine about it.

Once I was zapped, and the radiation oncologist took a look at my pink skin, I dressed and met them at the bell. Two nurses and the doc cheered for me when I rang it and raised my arms in victory. I got hugs from the radiation techs, and smiles all around. I am so lucky that I was able to find such a good clinic in my home town, a short drive from my front door. I just hope I never need their services again.

I'd like to just take the next few days off to recover, but it's volunteer time for me. We have to plaster flyers all over our voting precinct before the end of the week. I have enlisted help from the neighbors, my husband, and my co-captain. The western 60% of our precinct is done, and when I dropped off my co-captain this afternoon after we canvassed, she took a stack of guides ready to put in her condo complex and the apartments just past it. We should have it basically done before the weekend. Right around dark last night, our neighbors reached our house on their route. They made sure that sucker wasn't gonna fall off the door. (They promised they didn't use as much tape on everyone else's as they did on ours--see photo.)

Talk It Out

Inspirational song: Speak to Me/Breathe (Pink Floyd)

For a while now, I've been wanting to get a somewhat bigger car, now that I have to fit a baby seat in the back and a ginormous dog in the front. I've been enjoying the first Ford I ever bought, but it is just so tiny. Sure, I got a very small car on purpose, to feel like I could maneuver it through those narrow cobblestone streets and parking garages in downtown Charleston, but I haven't lived there in years. I need to spread out a little now, and I keep thinking I ought to move up to my grown-up realtor car. I wanted an Escape, until it dawned on me that even that would be a snug fit for a baby seat. So maybe an Edge or Explorer? To complicate it all, I keep getting my head turned by Lincolns, which are basically the same cars but much prettier. Those would have to wait until I'm selling a lot more houses, but that doesn't stop me from watching reviews of them on YouTube. Who needs to buy or sell a house in northern Colorado in the next few months? Hit me up. I need to get back to work now that active cancer treatment is essentially done again. It would be much better to have an income before I commit to a new car. 

As I was walking out of my penultimate radiation treatment, the guy leaving at the same as me looked at the car he was getting into and then at mine, and said, "they're almost the same blue," as a conversation opener. He was driving a blue 2021 Lincoln Corsair, the car that spurred my interest in that line. We chatted about Fords and Lincolns, and he let me poke my head in his car to see whether it was as small as I feared (yes, too little for baby seat). He recommended a dealer for either direction I go, confirming my gut instinct for who was good and who was to be avoided in this area. I felt fortunate that we struck up a conversation, even though I'm still just in the contemplative stage.

My buddy who rides with me to Rotary wanted to pin down the mayoral candidate in our club for a chat, to help us decide between him and another good person running for the same office. We invited him to sit at our table, and he was kind enough to stay a good 20 minutes past the end of the meeting, letting her absolutely grill him. I mostly listened, only chiming in a few times. I was impressed, and I think I have been persuaded to support him. Either of the two we considered would be good choices, but his evidence-based philosophy won me over. That, and his willingness to let a couple of women ask him when will we finally get that damned commuter rail system we have been paying for since 2004, and give a serious answer, not just throw his hands up and swear like the rest of us do.

Just Me

Inspirational song: My Life (Billy Joel)

Besides the chronic illness circles in which I travel, do people understand how deeply exhausting a simple shopping trip to Walmart can be? I mean the "barely make it the short drive home, then need to nap for three hours" kind of exhausted, not the "Oh, let me sit down for five minutes and I'll be good to go." I went for like six items (and failed to find or remember four of them) and I ended up having to stand around for over half an hour getting a refund from a machine that ate my money (turns out yes, they can actually refund the lottery machine, but it is a Pain In The Ass and almost not worth it). I tried to be pleasant for the overworked cashiers and line managers I was working with, but holy crap, I just wanted to sit down in a quiet place and not deal with it all. And indeed, I did sleep from about 3:30 this afternoon until almost 6:30, and it was the kind of sleep that hurts, when you are aware that you are sleeping, but can't get out of it, not even to move your arms a fraction of an inch. I still feel bad, several hours later. 

All of this was because I decided we needed chunky crayons for the baby, who was at our house today. We had her for a few hours, and I thought it would be fun to get her coloring. She went on a walk with grandpa while I went to the store of doom, and when I got back we both needed a nap, but neither of us could get one as long as she couldn't wind down to sleep.

I can't tell whether this fatigue is part of my general state of being, or made a noticeable amount worse by the radiation. I want to believe the latter, because that implies it will go back to being better someday. Two days left and the treatments will be over. Then I just get to marinate in it a while.

Buffet

Inspirational song: Evil Woman (Electric Light Orchestra)

The number one, absolute best birthday present in the world is what I asked for this year and received today: companionship. It's what I ask for most times anymore. I don't need a lot of stuff. I have more of that than I can handle. What I need is quality time with people I care about. Boy, did I get a whole heap of that!

I did kind of ask for someone else to cook for me, and damned if I didn't end up on my feet for hours prepping and frying up eggplant and chicken parmesan anyway. It was much like that time a few years ago when I made schnitzel for our D&D group, and I was the last one to sit down and eat, even though it was my birthday dinner. Still neighbors cooked some and so did one daughter. Other daughter sent me treats from a gluten-free bakery she likes, 2-day FedEx. It still counts as a win. We all ate until we were ridiculously full. T said it was as bad as Thanksgiving, how bloated he felt. I could only nod in solidarity.

I have thought up a neat idea, and I can only hope I follow up on it over the long run. I bought Shrinky Dink paper for a Halloween project, and it occurred to me how fun it would be to have Valerie draw in a couple bits for us. My plan is to have her do this on my birthday and hers, so they are roughly a half year apart (lop-sided by one month), to show progress over time in her drawing ability. I will turn these little rectangles into charms for her mother and me to wear as necklaces or bracelets. I'm not upset that I missed her first birthday. She wasn't old enough to comprehend marking with a pen then.

Once the baby went home, to pretend to fall asleep (i.e. roll all around the bed and giggle while her parents try desperately to get her to conk out), the remaining adults watched Halloween Kills, the latest iteration of the movie franchise I started watching in high school. I won't give away any spoilers, but I will say we did not think this was the best installment in the series. There were a lot of problems with it. But A and I are really into scary movies in October, so we stuck it out. We are going to bring ourselves back to rights by watching Shaun of the Dead this week. That will be much better. And do you know that I have never seen Hocus Pocus? Maybe that will come this year too.

Some Girls

Inspirational song: You Really Got Me (v. Van Halen)

We are getting better at this. Saoirse gives me the look when I'm putting on shoes and grabbing my purse, and I remember that dogs like to ride in cars. I had to go out somewhat early this morning, to my area coordinator's house to pick up literature I need to distribute to my voting precinct, and stop by the pharmacy. No reason the puppy couldn't go too. She stayed in the car the whole time, even though she has explicit permission to go in the pharmacy. She seemed fine with it. To reward her for her patience and good companionship, we looped around to the Starbucks on the other end of the building from the pharmacy. She got her second ever puppacino. We pulled over so she didn't have to wait to eat it. She has been in a good mood ever since.

I didn't share any of the pictures from apple gathering yesterday. I'm sure grandpa had sent some to me, but I don't think I saved them until he plugged them into the group chat with the neighbors. I wore myself out this afternoon, and will just close on these good pictures. I'm just glad I managed to make myself write at all, and not forget and fall asleep instead.