Going Dark

Inspirational song: All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor Swift)

That's a wrap, folks. For eleven and a half years, I've been doing this nightly dispatch. I've done everything possible to find a silver lining in cancer, lupus, collapse of a marriage, and pet death. Remaining positive and continuing to draw attention to myself, an out and proud Democrat, under the cloud of looming fascism just seems stupid. I had thought that when I stopped writing, it would wind down slowly, maybe with a retrospective from my favorite moments. I think now I would rather rip the band-aid off all at once. I don't want to do this anymore. 

For those of you who wanted this, enjoy watching it burn. Our educational system, health care, food supply. All going to struggle. Foreign relations will be a nightmare. To those who wanted what I did, we shall meet in the shadows and practice our baneful magic. May we survive.

A.

P.S. Fuck the patriarchy

Heartburn

Inspirational song: I Don't Know (Ozzy Osbourne)

To absolutely no one's surprise, I am anxious and on the verge of losing my mind. Uncertainty has never been my friend. I already had so much going on, and dragging yet another election out possibly for days is more than I can think about. I can't take any mind-altering substances. Alcohol would make me feel even more wretched, and I have an endoscopy coming up on Friday that means gummies are out also. I tried eating, but only made it through a little mac and cheese and Doritos before heartburn took over. I don't even want to look at sugar.

So I think I'm going to go to bed and see whether I can keep screens off long enough to do me any good. I'm not hopeful, but it's the best I've got.

Stress Eating Opportunities

Inspirational song: One Day More (Les Mis)

My social media feeds are full of people asking what we are all eating for the next 24 hours, what we are drinking, whether other intoxicants are on the menu, and even one asking whether we are "screaming into a jar and saving it to hurl as a scream grenade to provide a psychic attack to all within aural range." To say the world is tense tonight is an understatement. 

Me, I am holding it together surprisingly well. I stayed in my super soft comfort jammies, and let myself totally rest my sore back. I ate a bit more Halloween candy than I should have, but not so much as to be a problem. I even had two real meals--leftover quiche and a dinner with protein and vegetables. Now, fair warning, those vegetables were red cabbage and kale, so I'm going to remain remarkably unpleasant to be around, but not because I'm drinking myself into oblivion or anything dumb.

I may actually be capable of sleeping tonight. Not sure about tomorrow. I can't even promise I will remember to look up from returns to blog tomorrow. I just need to follow the advice I keep seeing: breathe and hydrate.

Looking at the Colors

Inspirational song: Drive She Said (Stan Ridgway)

A few weeks back, we saw a TikTok or reel that suggested a great, inexpensive way to entertain children. Load them up in the car cart at Home Depot, and tour slowly through the Christmas displays. We had the kids today, and we didn't feel like sitting around the house all day, so that is exactly what we did. 

Their mother failed to check the weather forecast before she brought them over, so their clothes were a little on the light side for the cool-down this afternoon. We started our shopping at Walmart, so we could grab a couple of hoodies for them, as well as restock on the store brand of bubble bath that I prefer over all other brands. There were plenty of Christmas things to look at there too, so we got a double dose of twinkle light window shopping.

I have much to do here before decorating for Christmas. If I apply myself diligently, I could be ready by Thanksgiving. No promises that such will be possible. The kids and I will give it our best, though.

Brick and Pebble

Inspirational song: It's Raining Men (The Weathergirls)

At the grocery store this morning, my job was to push the boy cart. Avery snoozed in his car seat in the basket, and Dmitri kept me entertained from the top seat. Even before the bottom of the cart was stacked with cat litter, that was one heavy cart. I was pushing a bag of bricks, and a little bucket of pebbles. I'm going to tell myself that's why my arms were sore and tired all day.

Babysitting is back to being a big ol' honking job now. Learning to juggle multiple babies again is taking some time. I'm getting better, but it wore me the heck out. They're home and I've stuffed myself with pot roast and leftover candy. It's time to put on loose jammies and wait for SNL to start.

Doin' the Thing Again

Inspirational song: Don't Bring Me Down (Electric Light Orchestra)

Look, I don't know how well anyone else is dealing with life, the universe, and everything, but I am crumbling under the weight of stress right now. For the next two weeks I intend to be very gentle on myself, and then I'll switch to being very gentle on the Mr, who will be having a medical procedure done. (I haven't asked yet how much I'm allowed to disclose, so for now, understand he's fine. Just needs a tune-up.) For my own sanity, I'll be doing a lot of brief check-in blogs, with a song, a sentence or two, a random photo, and a wave goodbye. This is better than some of the alternatives, like developing a substance abuse problem, which just sounds like a way to gain weight and lose friends.

I can at least explain today's pictures. I got my updated glasses from Costco this morning. New prescription, new lenses, same frames. I can see so much better. And on the way home, I stopped at Michael's, hoping for clearance Halloween stuff on which to spend a $5 reward voucher. Nothing was good, so I spent it on a Christmas candle. Sticker price 15, on sale for 10, military discount and voucher later, I paid $3.79. Woot.