Fuzzies

Inspirational song: White Rabbit (Jefferson Airplane)

Did work. Hurt back. Took flexeril. Left game table early to fall asleep in chair. Language processing difficult. Going to move to bed. Love to all.

Anchor Babies

Inspirational song: If You Leave Me Now (Chicago)

I'm starting to write a little early tonight. Usually I haven't formulated an idea until 10 pm or even later. This time I just want to show my daily struggle. I need to acquire dinner, now that it is 8 pm. The Mr went up to his mountain all day, so I'm on my own for food. Yet I am completely trapped, unable to feed myself because of the overwhelming guilt I will feel throwing Harvey and Jackie off my lap. These two don't get nearly as much cuddle time as the other two, so how can I move them? If I hadn't burned through so much money lately, maybe I would consider ordering Door Dash from my phone, and using the sound of a ringing doorbell and loud dog barking to startle them into running off on their own volition. As it stands, my leftovers are just fifteen feet away in the fridge. Might as well be ten miles.

I paid for my lease and owner agreement forms today. Because I didn't ask for any specific personalization, incurring additional lawyer fees, they were a mere $700. I am now officially in for more than I will make off the one confirmed client in a year. Jeez Louise, I need more people to take a chance on me, if for no other reason than to help me cover my startup costs. The forms I'm buying have to be drawn up by a lawyer, who the paralegal I corresponded with named, not that I could remember it to save my life. Not sure how long that takes. It's all boilerplate language, right?

My email from my old brokerage turns back into a pumpkin on the 31st. I have been going nearly non-stop today (other than time at Rotary) to delete the thousands of old emails I had floating around in it, and saving addresses I might want later. I am under 350 new emails (mostly automated stuff I ignored years ago), and under 1000 total now. This is going to be a long night. I'm gonna have to throw these cats off me and go to 5 Guys or something for the energy to pull an all-nighter. Sorry, cats.

Expectations

Inspirational song: Velvet Dreams (John Wesley)

Everything feels on the precipice of happening. It's an odd sensation. The business is down to the last tiny steps, and then it will be officially under way. Dmitri is taking steps too, in a literal sense, towards walking on his own. He held on to the loose fabric of my jeans, and took a few wobbly steps for each one I took backwards while watching and cheering him on. While we were playing this game, he picked up a toy, and was so distracted by it, he held it in both hands, forgetting he was using me as support. Twice he stood, transfixed by the toy cymbal in his hands, balancing on his own for at least two seconds.

Last week picking through the clearance at Bed Bath and Beyond, I bought 100% Tencel sheets. I waited until after babysitting was done to put them on the bed, since my room is where napping and TV watching happens. I still need to apply my nighttime lotion and finish blogging before I slide into them, but just touching them to put them on the bed made me so happy. I think the next advancement in improving my sleep routine is imminent. I expect them to be incredibly soft, smooth, and cooling, which is what I desperately need to allow me to stay asleep longer than a half hour at a time. If they live up to my expectations, I'll let you know. If I'm just as hot and unhappy tonight, I'll probably announce that too.

To the Meadows

Inspirational song: St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast (Frank Zappa)

Is it hot in here, or is it just me? Maybe it is just the humidity. Colorado is not known for being a damp place, but with constant rain, it's a smidge muggy these days. 

This morning, grandpa took the kids up to a pancake breakfast in Big Elk Meadows to benefit the volunteer fire department. I stayed home, because, you know, wheat. No point in me going to get pancakes. They had fun watching the duck races, but all the ducks had sold out by the time they got there, so they weren't competing for any prizes. 

There was almost a real word out of the boy this afternoon. At pickup time, he was following his father, who briefly closed a door between them. He cried and babbled and I swear there was a clear "daddy" in the mix. The kids seem to understand each other clearly though. It's almost like twin language, but between siblings born at separate times.

Three Unrelated Paragraphs

Inspirational song: I Sing the Body Electric (Fame)

Most of the lights on timers have gone out in the house, and I'm left with just the glow of phone and the lights over the sink and stove in the other room. That, and the occasional big flashes of lightning outside. This has been the wettest spring I can remember in many years. I think it was like this the year we moved back to Colorado, but we literally arrived on the first day of summer, so I didn't get the rain so much as the eerie intense greenness on mountains and fields that I expected to see turn brown much sooner in the year. I love this rain, but I am wondering how my plants are faring with the excess. At least my utility bills should be minimal, between rain and my solar panels. 

I didn't have a lot of patience for regular kid rowdiness today. My nerves were uncomfortable with all the jumping and bashing and grabbing, and all the other percussive things kids do. I was lucky that their grandpa took them outside while he was doing yard work and whatnot. It gave me the leeway to focus on clearing out a neglected email cache from the brokerage I'm leaving. I had to find two continuing education certificates before that email is deleted forever. Found both and printed out hard copies for the files. I'm being extra careful after the goof last year when I renewed my license and the state did an audit to make sure I had all my CE. I thought I had all the proof, yet I was wrong. Never again.

The children were covered in an unbroken layer of dirt once they came in, so we tossed both of them in the tub. It's so nice that the bag of bricks is strong enough to sit up on his own, so I don't have to lean over the tub and try to support him while he wiggles and flips over. Much easier when all one has to do is stand by and supervise. Putting clothes back on him is still an epic battle, but someday he will have the language skills to recognize that it's a battle he can't win. Not against this grandma.

Booms

Inspirational song: Who Can It Be Now (Men at Work)

I probably should have started planning what I was going to write hours ago. It's now bedtime, and I have the dumb. My brain is so ready for bed that until two or three minutes ago, I forgot that night time is blog time. 

We were back into regular weekend times. Kids were here all afternoon, and we were both present and taking care of them. Still no independent walking, but the boy gets around anywhere he can get at least a tiny handhold. The girl is as clever and funny as ever.

It rained like the dickens for a little while. Val and I stood on the porch and watched it go from hail to rain and back to hail. At least it was tiny and sparse this time. Later, after dark, when another cell rolled through, there was lightning so close and loud that it sent every furry creature scurrying, including that big doggie. She did not like being next to the window when that happened. I guess she isn't as tough as she claims when she is threatening anyone who walks past our house.

Speaking of whom, she is staring at me, letting me know it's for real bed time. I will concur.

Fingerpaint

Inspirational song: Hush (Deep Purple)

Earlier this week, some friends and I were talking about fun hair colors, and as I explained how I just colored the ends of my hair in a primitive fingerpainting technique, I realized just how badly I missed having mermaid hair. In the year before I lost it all to chemotherapy, I had such a neat blend of purples, blues, and teals. I loved it. My friend who has a lot of cool magenta and deep blue in her curly dark hair reminded me to be careful I don't select colors that will clash with the red I dye my hair now. I'm pretty sure I can match purple to that again and get away with it. The young person who helped me in Sally Beauty today, with their adorable sassy green hair, convinced me to get a deep plum to go with the dark strawberry blonde I usually get. I might dye it as soon as tomorrow, and see what sort of result I get. If I like it, there will be pictures. If it doesn't show up at all, there will be pictures of kids, flowers, or pets. Place your bets now.

I feel darned near official now. I sent in an order form to a local law firm for contracts I can use between me and the owners, and leases for the tenants. It's a holiday weekend, so how soon will they process it? No idea. I brought the laser printer up from the basement (well, I wasn't the one who actually carried it), cleaned the thick layer of dust off of it, and placed it in the Ikea shelves in the dining room. I bought a new power strip for that spot, and put my laptop charger there. I almost have a real work area now. Guess I should dust off a file folder or something to put over there too, to protect stuff from cats and kids, and I'll really be in business. 

I feel utterly exhausted, mostly mentally, after everything I've done for the last month or so. I've gone way too far to turn back now, and it is starting to feel like I am a serious business owner again, for the first time since the 1990s. Not sure I know what I'm doing more than I did back then, but I'm more determined to succeed this time. I kinda have to.

Eggs

Inspirational song: What's Love Got to Do with It (Tina Turner)

Aw, shucks. One of our musical favorites left us today. Mom and I have long held Tina Turner close to our hearts. For me, the performance I always think of as perfect was as the Acid Queen in the 1975 musical movie Tommy. I'd have to let mom say what her favorite was. I can't guess.

I wore myself down to a nub today, but I got most of my goals completed. I moved the big ficus tree outside on the porch, plus a handful of amaryllis in pots, and a barely-living hydrangea from a clearance rack. I completely cleaned and shined the Ikea shelves, and rearranged the plants and art pieces put back on them. I mopped the dining room, cleaned cat hair off all the chairs, and got the whole room spiffy for game night. While I was at it, I completely cleared off the toy bins and my side table, washed all dishes, and did a general tidying of the rest of our public spaces. Now I'm exhausted, but happy with my work.

My real estate license upgrade was approved today. I am officially an independent broker. The last big hurdle I believe is left to listing and renting next door is acquiring my contracts. I should be able to request them first thing in the morning, assuming my printer behaves itself. I don't know what the turnaround time is for the law office where I will be buying them. Hopefully pretty quick.

Mr S-P and Murray arrived home from their big trip this afternoon. I think Murray was glad to be back, but some time while I wasn't watching, apparently he and Saoirse had a disagreement. We are guessing that is why he had a bloody ear at dinnertime. No proof, though. The Mr was at a friend's farm, and that friend has a half-bazillion egg-laying chickens. She sent home two dozen of the most beautiful eggs for our consumption, plus a half dozen duck eggs. I do not believe I have ever eaten a duck egg before. (I'm not an adventurous eater.) We also got two whole frozen chickens from her farm. This is going to be an interesting couple weeks for food.

Chores

Inspirational song: King of the Road (Roger Miller)

I wanted everything to be done by now. I wanted the business up and running (it's close but there are a couple steps left). I wanted the cleanup next door to be buttoned up (same as above). I wanted my own dining room deep cleaned and rearranged. And I wanted to feel I had the available free time to putter around in my front garden. Tomorrow is my self-imposed deadline on a lot of this, and now I have anxiety.

I did so much in the last week, I really did. I can feel it in every muscle in my body that I worked hard. I can see lots of progress when I look around. But now that I've had a few days to get used to it, it all just feels the same. Like I didn't do anything at all. It's very frustrating.

I just need to make myself stop agonizing over what's left to do and just go to bed. All those jobs will still be there in the morning, but at least I can face them rested and clear-headed. Maybe. Anxiety makes it hard to sleep properly.

I looked over my photos from today. They showed how I spent almost an hour between the front and back, watering the flowerbeds, vegetable garden, and the dirt patch where tiny grass seedlings are trying to survive while Murray is on vacation and Saoirse is spending the week inside with me. I almost let my new public-facing tomato go too long without water. Got to it just in time. I took birthday presents that came in the mail over to Valerie. Auntie really outdid herself this time. Every gift was a winner, including the little Firefly spaceship toy. She really got excited about that. And at the end of the day, my mom sent me some cute pictures of her on the riding lawn mower taking care of the Mother Park. (She only gave permission to use one of them, and I swore to her I could have written a whole short story just based on the expression on her face.)

Children's Lit

Inspirational song: Free to Be You and Me (The New Seekers)

They used to say that every seven years, every cell in your body is replaced. No idea whether they still say such things, but I know for certain I am not the same woman I was in my early 20s. I came to this realization as I sat across from Valerie in a downtown restaurant, watching her put her head down on the booth seat and stick her butt in the air for the sixth or seventh time. The horror with which the old me would have greeted this sight versus the laissez-faire mood current me had could not have been more different.

Valerie and I had a day to ourselves, not unlike the classic children's book Just Grandma and Me by Mercer Mayer. She even brought along a large Critter plushie (the main kid character in that book series.) We started with a car wash, which got a little intense for her while the cover to the sunroof was pulled back, so she could see the brushes coming at her from all sides. Then we went to Lowe's for a tomato cage, and two doors down to Bed Bath and Beyond to pick the carcass of a closing store. I wanted to find towel hooks to change the setup in my bathroom. I found a few, but they aren't attractive. I got them anyway. I also found an all Tencel sheet set. I wish the discounts had been deeper, but I'm not gonna get tied in knots over it.

When we went out to lunch, we switched from the Critter book to Are You My Mother? by P.D. Eastman. Val was facing the windows on Main Street, and across the street were workers putting new trees in along the sidewalk. Val was hyperfocused on the skid steer, calling it a "snort." (Read the book if you don't remember.) At one point, she was standing in her seat, pointing at it, saying, "Grandma, take a picture of the snort!" I took video of that to show the family group chat.

I thought the best store was the one I saved for last. That was a trip to the Flower Bin so she could pick out her own plant to go in the bumblebee planter Grandpa got for her. I had set the tiny rhipsalis I picked out for me in it a month ago, telling her it was temporary and we would get her a plant later. I need to repot my plant in a deeper planter for its own sake. So we went shopping for hers today. We walked through all the displays, Valerie touching ev-er-y-thing she could reach. Every wind chime and garden decoration were lovingly caressed. Eventually we meandered to the tiny terrarium plants. I showed her the two inch pots, and said she could have any one she wanted, as long as it came in that size. They had a ton of things, and I kept pointing out different species. Ferns. Hoyas. Both pink and green syngoniums. A green and white striped dracena. We looked at it all. And she stuck with the thing she selected at the very beginning: another rhipsalis. It made my head hurt, but a promise is a promise. I meant what I said and I said what I meant. A grandmother is indulgent, one hundred percent.

All in a Row

Inspirational song: Fire Water Burn (Bloodhound Gang)

I don't want to think of Purge Week being over yet. However, I had to get mostly back to my normal routine today. Kids weren't here the last couple days, but they were back today. Mr S-P is still on his trip to help a friend do some projects at a farm two days drive from here, so I was blessed with the company of my foster daughter to help wrangle children. She was immensely handy to have around, and I am grateful she was here. We tag-teamed a lot of the baby holding and playing and whatnot. Having her playing with Val left me free when I needed to go put Dmitri down for a nap, twice. I know I will be wishing she was here tomorrow, when I am flying solo the whole time.

I started off my day working outside. I had a few plants that were struggling by still sitting in their nursery pots on the porch. One or two weren't getting sufficient water in that setup. I put up the last two coconut-lined hanging baskets along the front of the porch overhang. Both of those had petunias, so hopefully they'll trail a bit. Then I potted up some osteospermum (African daisies) in tall terracotta, three herbs (basil, rosemary, and sage) in a shallow terracotta, and a stock in a clay pot with an iguana design. I packed up all the loose plastic nursery pots into a big Rubbermaid tub that I will be hiding out of sight behind the fence once I finish all planting. There is still a lot of clutter and debris up front, but I should have a handle on that soon. I looked at my array of pots lining the stairs and thought, even with bringing a bunch of my indoor succulents out, this is way less than I had out there last year. I have maybe two or three big pots left I could fill, but I'm not in a rush. I'm going to enjoy this for a while, and see what summer brings.

Of the big things I want to get done before the Mr gets home, I think the most urgent is the dining room. It's sloppy as heck right now, and I need to tidy it enough to pull the large ficus Benjamina out of the corner and roll it onto the back stoop. Then I can rearrange the Ikea shelves so the plants that didn't get pushed up to the front porch have prime lighting and access. I'd like that to be done by noon tomorrow, but I shouldn't do that much strenuous work before solo babysitting. I'll try to pace myself.

(Professor Grabbyhands strikes again)