Sunday, November 20, 2016

Zero or One

Inspirational song: Hot n Cold (Katy Perry)

I have decided I am binary. Definitely binary. I'm not talking in a cis-gendered versus genderfluid sort of way, even though I know where I am on that spectrum, and I'm fine with it. I'm talking about temperature. I am either a zero or a one, freezing or boiling, and nothing in between. My body hasn't been at a comfortable temperature for most of this calendar year. It's most likely the reason I haven't slept well all year. It's definitely the reason I'm not happy when Rabbit insists on sleeping on top of me or pressed up against my side, because I can't cool off when the little fission reactor is touching me. As soon as I convince her to move, I find that I'm freezing, and I have to drag blankets on top of me. And then, three or four minutes later, I'm back to on fire. I wish the little toddler who is flipping the light switch that controls my body heat would get put in a time out. I am sick of this. Back and forth, all day long, all night long, for most of a year. The best I can find from internet research is that it's possibly a malfunctioning autonomic nervous system. Can't find a single thing that suggests there is anything to be done about it. I've asked both of my doctors, and they look at me like I'm crazy, that such a thing either doesn't exist or couldn't possibly hurt or lower my quality of life if it did. What will it take for someone to take me seriously?

Rather than spend the entire space tonight complaining about things I can't change, I may make this a very short post. I've been watching how light plays around my home, and have started a series of photos that are only intended to describe light. I'll post the first few, and worry about being more verbose tomorrow.




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