It has been quite a day. I have so much to think about, so much to feel, and I'm a little overwhelmed by it all. This morning began on a high note, and has been a bit of an emotional roller coaster since. I listened to talk radio as the kitten and I drove to her first weigh in, and was pleased to hear the SCOTUS drop two barriers to the true equality of love. As the details have fleshed out, it has been made clear that there is still work to do, but today represented two major steps forward. I was cheerful, bordering on giddy, when we arrived at the shelter to find a long line out the adoption door. (The shelter was waiving all adoption fees on kittens, because they have so many.) I stood in the waiting area for nearly an hour, while Athena got weighed, microchipped, treated for upper respiratory illness, and tested for communicable diseases. Then came the first wave of bad news. The vet tech came to tell me that she tested positive for FIV, but because she is just a month old, the test is unreliable. She could have antibodies from maternal exposure, or she might have been exposed and able to fight it on her own. Or, she could have the exposure and succumb to it. I drove back from her checkup numb. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't suggest that my friend adopt her anymore. And I really worry that if I release her after the foster period ends, that she could be unadoptable, with that huge "positive" marker on her info sheet. She will be six months old before a follow up test is reliable. I can't consign her to a cage for four months at the shelter, while she is passed over for adoption. I already love her too much for that.
Last night I learned why I woke to the sound of EMS sirens on Monday. My sweet neighbor got out of bed in the middle of the night and died, and his wife found him hours later when she woke. This came out of nowhere. Just last week he was out working on his lawn as always. He was only in his mid-60s. His wife is hurting so badly right now, and I feel awful. Her friends and family have pulled in tight around her, to enfold her in love. The only thing I could think to do was to mow the front yard, and make sure it was as neat and tidy as possible, for her visitors. The couple always took such pride in their yard, and it felt like a proper thing to do. I noticed while I was there, that her friends are starting to show up with food. The sin-eating has begun. It is one of the most fascinating spontaneous expressions of love, following a death. I don't know whether other people interpret it the way I do, but it seems blatantly obvious to me.
My first reaction to the Supreme Court rulings today was to update my Facebook status, like you do. I tried to keep it generic, as I do still have a lot of friends whose understanding of this issue has not yet evolved. I simply said, "love trumps everything." A contemporary of my daughter really tried to argue against the blanket statement, suggesting that unadulterated hatred was fueling him. I got the feeling that he was coming from a place of a broken heart, not a learned hatred of a segment of the population. I stood my ground. I swore to him I did understand the pain and anger he was talking about, but I didn't know true power until I jettisoned that toxic hate and learned to love first. Not a transactional love that expects anything, including love, in return, but love that nourishes me in the giving, not getting.
The only thing I can think of to use as today's photograph is my lantana. There is only one plant, and it blooms with a rainbow of blossoms, everything from solid, dark red, through blends of red and orange, to bright magenta and yellow. What a perfect flower for today. Love is love.
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