Just Lucky, I Guess

Inspirational song: Lucky Star (Madonna)

I lost my monthly dice game tonight. It's what happens almost every time, and I'm okay with it. I go into it knowing I'm only fronting five bucks, and I get more time of enjoyment out of that five dollars than I would with, say, a venti vanilla latte for the same price. I get to see more than a dozen of my favorite women in town, and I get a change of scenery. I even get to loosen the reins a little, and allow myself a cola that is chock full of genetically modified high fructose corn syrup, for fun. I just rarely come out of these nights with my five dollars, although once in a while I get lucky and lose more games than anyone else, thus earning myself my money back. I hope wherever I move next, I can stumble upon an established bunco group whose waiting list to join isn't long, or find enough people interesting in starting one of our own.

I've been thinking about luck a lot lately. No, I haven't won the lottery, nor am I likely to. I never play more money in it than I could stand to lose in the pocket of a coat sent to the cleaners. My odds of winning big are infinitesimally small. But I've looked at the things I've gotten to do and the souls I've gotten to meet, and I realized that I've already beaten all the odds I'm going to. Even having someone like Rabbit in my life, who was literally whisked away from the grip of death by the man who refused to let the Barstow animal shelter euthanize her because they were out of cage space, counts as a jackpot win in my book. I look at my human family, and know that I'm already a winner, many times over.

Daughter number one and I were talking about something we both really want to happen for her. There is absolutely nothing I can do to assist. It's all out of my hands. I told her that if it would make a single bit of difference, not only would I cross my fingers, but I'd also scrunch up my eyes and wish harder. Then I said I'd wish on the first evening star, and I'd make a wish when I find a loose eyelash or when my necklace clasp gets to the front. She said she'd "accidentally lose" a bunch of pennies heads up in her house to be found later. And then we laughed about how superstitious people can be, including our own selves when we were children. And then we sighed, knowing none of these things will make a damned bit of difference to the outcome we both want so desperately.