Man Up or Lady Down

Inspirational song: Houses of the Holy (Led Zeppelin)

I thought I was too tired to blog after a long soak in the hot tub, and a late night at my favorite funky resort (Bonfire Gardens). Suddenly I'm wide awake. That's what you get from nearly being hit by a police cruiser flying down the road at 100+ miles an hour, after we had already entered the intersection at "I'm going to make this light if it kills me" speed. Let's just say that we are all grateful that a certain man has had serious defensive driving classes, and I'm not talking about the po-po. My heart was still in my throat when two more cops driving equally as fast zipped past us, and we were only a mile from our neighborhood when another appeared far behind us in the rear view mirror. Mr S-P said we would be to our turn before he caught up with us, even if he were driving 100 like the others. Turns out he was wrong. Don't know what is going on, but we weren't about to follow them to find out. Maybe it will be in the news tomorrow.

My grandfather survived cancer twice. He made it through like the stoic Okie that he was. But he was diagnosed with a third separate type of cancer just a few weeks after I moved back to live near him and help him out. During that last hospitalization, I overheard a conversation he had with my mother. He was tired and dispirited, and he asked her where he was going to find the will to fight again. The first two rounds took so much out of him, and he didn't think he had anything left to give. He only lasted a few weeks after that. What does it say about my strength of character that I am hitting that same level of desperate hopelessness over another cross-country move? I come from hardier stock than this. I need to suck it up and pack my house and get ready to go. But I keep sitting down, pretending I have months left, not weeks. This is hard, and I'm letting it get to me. I don't have the luxury of time to sit and whine about the process. Can someone please help me find the steel that is supposed to be in my spine?

The man was on the phone with a different bank this morning, attacking our prequalification obstacles from a different angle. The conversation was on speaker phone, so I could hear it all. The loan officer asked how long we had been married, and when we said "almost 25 years," he said wow, and asked where we were going for our 25th anniversary. Gee, mister. It'd be swell if we could just GO HOME. From the hot tub tonight, I was musing aloud about how much I want to create a space exactly like Bonfire Gardens at our next place. and a grumpy voice next to me said he just wanted to get the next place first, and then worry about everything else. This is all consuming, and it is making us both feel like giving up. We won't. Not yet. But it's tempting.