For 36 years, I have had a superstition. I firmly believe that what I'm doing on New Year's Eve, especially what I'm doing at midnight, sets the tone for the entire next year. I've been on airplanes at midnight, and spent the next year in constant motion, traveling around the country. I spent the night in bible study once, and was confirmed into the church I grew up in that year. Some years I've been at parties, and been gregarious and sociable following it, and some years I've been a quiet homebody, and stuck with that pattern. You can probably guess what I was doing the year that my first daughter was born.
As I wait for the clock to strike midnight, and wonder whether I'll still be awake, I'm reflecting on how I've spent my New Year's Eve, what I'm doing right now, and predicting the attitude I will take into 2017. Right this minute, I'm in my jammies, with a little dog on my lap (who will NOT leave me alone, thank you very much, grandma, because neighborhood fireworks are scary). My hair is damp from soaking in the hot tub (yes, it is 20 degrees outside, and I pay handsomely for the privilege of having a small pond of warm water in my back yard at all times). My eyelids are heavy from a long day of playing and a nearly-empty scotch and soda. If my 2017 is a relaxing, happy mood brought on by having fun with my family and snuggling with my pets (even the ones who don't live here year-round), then bring that bad boy on. I would love to feel this good, even through my usual physical pain, for as much of the year as possible.
I spent most of my life fairly risk-averse. Sometimes that was governed by fear, sometimes pain and the knowledge of my physical limitations, and sometimes a grown-up abundance of caution. I appear to be coming out of that phase. I'm taking more risks, and I'm unwinding my unbearable tight-assedness. (I can make up words. Pretend I'm Shakespeare.) It helps that I've finally gotten good diagnoses, good doctors, good medications, and good answers to how to manage the things that kept me spun up to 11 at all times. It might also help that I've gone through such massive emotional upheavals over the last several years that I'm out of Fs to give. I'm a little more cavalier with my life and property these days. I'm not stupid, I'm just not quite as fearful and anxious. As recently as the beginning of this year, I was still a terrible (and I mean terrible) car passenger. Between my fears and my distorted perceptions of time and space (I blame the illnesses), I felt like the road and traffic was always closing in on me. I saw near misses where none existed. Speed upset me. Curves upset me. These days it's much easier to sit quietly in the passenger side of the car. My shoulders resisted some of the g-forces on mountain curves today, but for the most part my attitude is that if we wreck, then we wreck. Me freaking out about it in advance won't change whether it happens or not. It made today's drive much more pleasant for me, and I bet it made my family happier too.
We went to Central City to gamble, and I'm more relaxed about that too. I didn't worry about losses (mine or daughter #1's) and I didn't try to interfere in wins (Mr X and daughter #2). I played for several hours on about 50 bucks, and when that much was gone, I decided I was done. One daughter lost about the same amount, the other went positive about that much. Mr X had a grand time, and made up for all of us. He had the golden touch today, playing the Buffalo Stampede machines in two different casinos (gee, why do we like that particular game?). He played for hours and walked away at least a couple hundred to the good. The best part was that he was more relaxed and happy than I've seen him in a good long while. It really was better to watch these guys win than to sit and watch my own cash dwindle.
If 2017 means throwing caution to the wind and opening myself up to the possibility of happiness, then I will take that risk.
These were last night, but it is THIS little dog who refuses to leave me alone while her mommy is out with friends.
Like my great-grandmother used to say, "Let's go through the cemetery, just for fun."
Heels on a hike through the mountains in snow. If she didn't look just like me, I would wonder whether we are really related.
All three of us were post-holing through the snow at that point.
Five dollars soon turned into twenty...
And then into fifty, followed by a cashout and the end of play.
Guess who bought dinner tonight?
This one. He couldn't lose today. Took those winnings, and within a few minutes at the next casino (which paid out in coins).... This:
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