I waited all day for a phone call that never came. I'm not angry about it or anything, just mildly confused. I hope I haven't misread a situation. I was looking forward to a change in my routine, but change is slow in coming. I assume this opportunity will still be around, even if it takes a while to develop. I'm feeling a little anxious and impatient, and I need to take a deep breath and relax a little bit.
I've been pondering the changes technology has wrought on our psyches lately. I saw someone talking about how difficult it was to disseminate information just three decades ago, when I was a teenager. I had to think back, to how we communicated then. We relied so much more on traditional news sources, and news traveled comparatively slowly. Granted, I was a kid, not interested in all the goings-on of the adult world, but in hindsight it feels like it took me forever to clue in to what was happening beyond my immediate arm's length. I actually waited for word of mouth to reach me, and I was fine with that. At times like now, I long for the slower pace, for the longer attention spans, for the challenge that discovery presented. I never have time to wonder anymore, even though I spend all afternoon and evening up inside my head, trying to decide what matters to me each day. Before I have time to focus my attention, and exercise my brain a little trying to recall information, I have already pulled open some kind of electronic device, and accessed a search engine. In my quest to know everything, I have let my mind become lazy. I don't even have the attention span to read entire books anymore. When did this happen to me? More importantly, what am I prepared to do to fight it?
While I waited for the phone to ring today, I picked up the painting from yesterday again. It still has many more hours of work to go, but it is starting to take shape now. I think I'm finding it easier to create the illusion of dimension on a blue-skinned god than on the more traditional flesh-toned paintings I've attempted in the past. But it might be worth my while to go digging through my books for my copy of Anatomy for Art Students, which might help me with a few of the smaller muscles that don't seem to be shaping up right on him.
For all that we have a mountain of technology to keep us in touch, the man and I have not spoken on the telephone in weeks. Nor have we had any sort of video chat. Going this long makes this house feel too quiet. I have to talk to the animals to keep from feeling overwhelmed, and then I just feel like a crazy cat lady who has given up pretending she's not crazy. I think it's time to schedule a phone call. If only our schedules would line up. Until then, I will just keep waiting.
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