I've allowed myself to complain a lot lately, about how sick I am of being geographically separated, or about how crummy I feel about one thing or another. Perhaps I ought to direct my focus to some of the little things that are starting to fall into place, little improvements that I might not notice individually, but in aggregate make me feel pretty good. This morning, I had to do a fasting blood test. They took four large vials from me. Based on past experience of my entire adult life (starting with the first pregnancy - I didn't have many blood tests before that), I expected to lose this entire day. For more than twenty years, vein sticks meant lightheadedness, to the point of nausea and being so sleepy I couldn't function for easily eight or ten hours following the tests. I kept waiting for that feeling to hit me today, and it never did. I went on as usual, or nearly so, all day. I would love to know what to credit for this sudden jump to normalcy. Is it my improved diet? Is it hormonal changes associated with aging? Whatever it is, I greatly appreciate it. It would have been nice for this to be my reaction back when I had little kids to take care of even on blood test days, but I'll just accept the improvement and let the past go.
I've had pain in my low back (S-I, specifically) since I was a little girl. I can't remember a time when I could lie on the floor on my back, without sudden, shocking pain shooting down one or both legs. I used to feel trapped, any time I threw caution to the wind and tried to lie flat on my back, until I could get someone to roll me over like a helpless turtle. By the time I was fully an adult, I couldn't even sleep on a hard mattress, for the dysfunction in my sacro-ilial joint. This has gone on for so long, I really wasn't sure that even my magically brilliant physical therapist could make a difference. And I assumed that if he could help me at all, it would take all of the couple months of visits that insurance allows. Yet here I am, just a couple weeks into the new routines, and tonight, I progressed from running through my stretches and exercises on my soft, supportive bed to doing all of them on the floor, with nothing between me and the hard wood but a thin Persian rug, and no padding. The pinching I expected never came. And when I was done, I popped right up, not needing a helping hand, or even a slow transition as I worked my way into a sitting position. I've gone from feeling (physically) like a worthless sack of meat to feeling like a superhero. I'm invincible!
I'm even having a good week dealing with some of my more stupid hangups. I'm very non-confrontational, generally sort of shy, and I absolutely break down in a panic when I have to make a phone call. I even used to hyperventilate over the prospect of using the phone to order a pizza. (The age of text-based communication revolutionized my life.) Yet in the last week, I conquered enough of my fears to drop in to the auto body shop who seems to have forgotten to restore my man's project Jeep (although they remembered to cash the check), and I spent an hour or so taking care of a laundry list of concerns for all of our cell phones. Sure, most people would read that, and think, "And??" But to me, this is progress. A lot of little things add up.
I've taken very few photos in the last couple weeks, compared to my usual average. I have an updated portrait of Carlotta the seven-legged spider. She now has a Mr Carlotta, and she is about three and a half inches from toe to toe. She seems to like hanging on her web backwards compared to all of her fellow banana spiders. I think maybe she watches my television through the window. I should ask her if there's anything in particular she wants to watch. I'm in a good mood. I can share my screen time with her.
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