Who Knows

Inspirational song: Question (Moody Blues)

Yeah, I'm still here, in the same room, with the same IV port in my hand, with all the same back spasms that brought me here Friday night. We really have no idea what set it off. I've had a set of x-rays that showed nothing indicative. Today I was referred to a neurologist who had the best conversation with me to date (as opposed to 30 seconds of face time with an MD who read his phone half the time, both times). I had to be transferred via backboard to the gurney and then MRI table. For the record, that does not prevent sudden, horrible back spasms. And it's probably a good thing I opted to have my eyes covered in the machine. It was a tight fit, and when I brushed my arm against it going in, I wasn't sure I was getting back out again.

Mr S-P waited and waited with me to hear results. He has been the patient advocate I needed. But he didn't arrive in this room for the first time until 1 this morning, just long enough to grab my car keys and the computer I'd had with me when I arrived. He needed bed then, and by mid day today he needed a nap. He decided to risk it and head home for a little sleep, saying the doc would probably come in as soon as he left. I swear to you, his elevator hadn't reached the ground floor when the neurologist came in with test results. Of course that was the case.

The MRI didn't show us anything startling either. There were obvious signs of arthritis, and what I have been told is a normal level of bulging disc action. I really had hoped that if there was muscular damage, it would be clearly evident. No such luck.

So we are left thinking this is really just the inflammation associated with a lupus flare. If this is what my future holds, I make this sweeping decision right now: I will take whatever meds it takes to get rid of this. I have been a huge advocate for healing primarily through diet and lifestyle changes for years. But if I'm facing this kind of pain two to three years into a fantastic, whole food, clean diet, then there is no way I want to face this disease without help. I find myself watching ads for Humira or Enbrel, or all these other drugs I ignored or scoffed at previously, and now I wonder which sort of drug will be prescribed to me.

I am emotionally ready to go home. Physically it will be a monumental challenge, but I don't feel like I'm getting anything here I can't get there. The discharge nurse is working on finding out whether my insurance covers in home physical therapy, and if it does, I would much rather be in my own bed, surrounded by purring cats. No more hospital food. No more self-adjusting beds. Hope for me that I get sprung tomorrow. I'm ready.