Gaps

Inspirational song: My Life (Billy Joel)

I got a call from an old friend this afternoon. We've kept in touch very well over the years, but we haven't actually seen each other in person for something like 18 years, I think. I have to be very careful and include "I think," because I honestly can't be sure about that. Every time I talk to him, he talks about people and things that I absolutely cannot remember. I have huge gaps in my memory, and it has gotten worse over the years. It's one of my stated goals for this blog, to tease out these dim memories, and document them for myself and for my kids. And the memory gaps are huge. I had even forgotten that this friend had started working for the same publishing house I once worked for in Boulder. He said things that should have tipped off hilarious anecdotes, but I could only barely picture what he was telling me. I have a theory about why this is so bad, but no proof that it's a valid theory. I'm convinced that every time I've gone under full anaesthesia, I've lost more memories. If I count correctly (and obviously, that count is suspect), I've been put under eight times since I was 19 years old, all but once in the last 10 years. I've had this opinion for a few years now, that this is a big contributing factor to my memory loss. But now I have to consider other sources. Now that I have the twin diagnoses of lupus and chronic Epstein-Barr problems, I must learn more about the effects to the brain. I know I've already read that at least one of the two causes shrinkage in the brain, but I don't remember which one. I need to go over it again. And probably another two or three times after that, once I forget again.

I want to write more tonight, but I don't think I have it in me. I've felt worn out and achy for two days. I have a headache that I can't kick, and I can't control my own temperature. I either feel chilled to the core, but my temperature reads very low (like 96.2 after I napped yesterday) instead of feverish like I imagined, or it's like it is now, when I'm overheated, but my cheeks feel ice cold. It sucks, but it doesn't feel like anything I need to rush to a doctor for. I may just pack it in for tonight, though. If my phone cooperates and uploads what it is supposed to to the cloud, I'll leave you with a picture of a handsome south Denver kitty who made faces at my man this afternoon.