I am going to be up ridiculously late tonight. I didn't want to be, but I've put off something for so long, I can't allow myself to procrastinate any longer. I'm dealing with the world's worst website. It's clunky and slow and even though I have some of the fastest internet service in the country zipping into my house on a lovely fiber optic cable, trying to create a newsletter on the Rotary website is like trying to download a full-length movie on dial-up internet. I am frustrated and angry and about to have a total nervous breakdown. I hate dealing with this so much I can't express it properly. I had to wait weeks to get the right set of pictures for the newsletter from over a month ago, and I feel like every person in the club is judging me. Every time I think about trying to get it done, my chest tightens, my stomach flips, my heart thumps faster, and I want to curl up in a ball and repeat "make it go away" like a mantra. I have been trying for months to have them find any other person in the club to take this job. I managed to get someone to take all of the other PR stuff, but she doesn't want to do the newsletter. I reluctantly agreed to do it until she could find someone else, but neither she nor any of the other people are listening to me when I tell them it is giving me such serious anxiety attacks that I can barely function in the rest of my life. What does it take for these people to understand how stress manifests as actual physical pain in someone like me? Normal people don't believe that pain like this is real, I am convinced.
And just to make my point, the website froze up while I came over to this page to blog, and now I can't access the newsletter I had just started (the second one out of four I intended to do tonight). There's a banner that says Clubrunner will go down for maintenance in 58 minutes. Shoot me.
We spent almost all day gaming with the Thursday night crew. It's amazing how sore sitting in a cushioned dining room chair can make a girl after spending most of seven hours in it. We had a few walk-around breaks, and at one point I went and sat in my regular chair so I could lean back and put my feet up on the ottoman. We got a whole lot accomplished on this bonus day, however. We faced down the bad guy who had been tracking one of our players for months, and I finally managed to go through the game manual to make my character what it was supposed to be. I have been so wrapped up in all of the other things I was supposed to be doing in my life, I never allowed myself the freedom to focus on this one aspect of my recreational time. Now I can play as I should have been all along. I have clarity of vision for the first time in months for this game. Now how do I get that for the work and charity phases of my life?
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