I Knew What I Was In For

Inspirational song: I Should Have Known Better (The Beatles)

Yesterday, while I was chatting with the next door neighbor, she said to me that her son had been busy for a few weeks, and hadn't been by to see her. It made her so sad and lonely, and she wondered how on earth I was holding it all together with my man gone for months. I think I told her something flip, trying not to make a big deal about it, but it did leave me thinking. The separations started long before this current job. I haven't ever counted days, but I wouldn't be surprised to be told that between a third and a half of our entire relationship has been long-distance. It goes back to the very beginning, when we were in college, together only two months, and he took off for six weeks to visit his sister who was teaching in Australia. To a 20 year old in love for the first time, yes, that was emotional pain like no one in the history of time had ever experienced, and wasn't I to be pitied? A couple years later, I had graduated and moved in with my mom for six months, and living two states apart was hard on us both. Later, I can remember being upset that he was gone on a two week camping trip with the Boy Scouts when our older daughter cut her first tooth. But over time, even though the logistics of sometimes-single parenting on a tiny income were challenging, we learned coping skills. Three month assignments became four, and then six or eight. He would come home after being gone a week, to the sound of the phone ringing, and be asked, "Have you unpacked yet?" And back out the door he would go. Technology has made it much easier. It has been almost 20 years since email first revolutionized our separations. I was slow to adopt video conferencing, but now I take great comfort in being able to see and hear him a few times a week, when our schedules align. I think the dogs and cats appreciate hearing him as well. It isn't nearly as hard as it once was, and I don't want anyone, like my neighbor, to imagine that I'm a big mess for being alone.

I spent the day getting things back to normal after the very bad week. I did a lot of cleaning, but I have not yet cleaned out the spare bedroom. When I took the kittens back out of there, I shut the door, and I only opened it once, the next night, when I realized I had left a lamp on in that room. I came across two or three things I normally store in that closet, and I just left them where they lay. I'm not ready to face that space. I was warned how difficult it is to care for kittens so small. I knew better, but I wanted to try it anyway. It's going to be a very long time, possibly forever, before I attempt something so difficult, with that kind of risk.

Since I stayed inside all day, I suppose today's photo should reflect that. It wasn't too hot to be outside, but in the few minutes it took to water everything, I was a mosquito banquet. I'll be viewing my masterwork from the windows for a while.