Well, today didn't turn out like I expected. I thought it would start with mah jongg, be cool and rainy all day, and I'd be unable to work outside, so I would clean house and watch tv all evening before blogging on time. Not a single one of those things was correct. I suppose it is a good thing I am highly adaptable.
Clouds held the temperatures in check all morning, which was very good for me. After mah jongg was scratched, I shuffled around the house until around noon, and then set about weeding like my life depended on it. For all I know, it does. Last year, the first, and possibly the largest of the banana spiders showed up just off the edge of my front porch. I was utterly terrified of her, and even after she disappeared, I absolutely refused to go back there to pull weeds, mow, plant the calladium (whose pot is still abandoned in a stand of weeds), or eventually even to water the container plants at that end of the porch. This year, I am on a quest to prevent the spiders by first preventing the bugs they feed on. I wish I had known there was a $2/bag truck sale on cedar mulch last Friday, because I am going through tons of it. I'm going to ring the house in cedar. I spread another one up front, after planting a few marigolds, and I almost cleared enough weeds away from Spider Patient Zero's lair to spread another. I only got distracted from my task twice, by the biggest, cutest, most flirtatious bumble bee who really knew how to work it for the camera. Eventually heavy rains chased all of us back under cover.
A couple days ago, I was so proud of myself for rescuing an anole lizard that the girl cats had surrounded. Today, I found that it never escaped the pot that holds the orange geranium. I'm glad I broke my usual habit, and dug with a spade instead of bare hands to add a second, younger geranium to that pot. Crocs the Lizard had buried himself in the soft soil in that pot and died. So much for the life I thought I saved.
This week in April is when I often turn morose, because it triggers thoughts of the biggest regret of my life, my deepest, darkest secret. No, I will not tell what it is. After many, many years, it remains the one thing I would change about my past, were I ever offered the opportunity by a time-traveling genie, or something equally implausible. I would take the risks of altering the past, and I wouldn't think twice. I choose to consider myself fortunate that there is only one long-held regret that I would truly change. Every other dumb mistake just served to teach me lessons and make me who I am today. But that? Dumb doesn't come close to describing it.
I spent a lot of time on the phone tonight, speaking with adults who are temporarily living with their aging parents. One is waiting anxiously for test results in the morning, and she and I were combing through the entire situation trying to find a glimmer of hope to cling to, so she could manage to sleep between now and then. The other conversation was all over the map, but definitely touched on how different "now" is than we expected it to be. We plotted and planned a little, and tried to inspire each other to make potentially life-changing decisions, but I'm not sure either of us is fully psyched up to go conquer the world now. We shall see.
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