I have a pretty clear picture of who I am. I know what makes me happy, and what I can do without. If I never go on another ski trip or never (awkwardly) dance at a nightclub ever again, I will be just fine. I'm sure that some day I will adopt another cat (after current supply has dwindled due to attrition), and sooner than later, I will probably move and get to decorate and organize a new house. I might do these things more than once in the future, if past is prologue. One thing I could not live without, now that I have discovered how much I love it, is gardening. I can't imagine voluntarily moving into a high-rise apartment, with only sunny windows or at best a small balcony for container plants. I was made to live closer to the ground, where I could get my hands dirty while adding lots of color and life to my surroundings. How sad was my life when allergies prevented me from reaching my full potential as a gardener. This is what I was born to do. Someone referred to me as a "master" gardener last week. Not yet I'm not. I still have much to learn. But I am an enthusiastic one, that much is certain.
It's possible that what I am doing now approaches addiction. But of all possible vices to have, I have always considered gardening to be the least dangerous to my health and to my relationships with others. If I were a binge drinker, a drug abuser, a gambler, a philanderer, or a criminal, then perhaps I would need to rethink my priorities. I did wonder today whether I am using gardening as a substitute for the feelings I get when my man is home. There is a certain sense of euphoria I get from creating my little enclave at the Park, that fills the void left by a lack of a romantic life. With all that is missing while I'm alone, plants, chocolate, and espresso drinks are pretty much all I've got to bring me pleasure reliably. I'm not too proud to take what I can get these days.
I spent quite a bit of time outdoors this afternoon and evening, and I have reached a conclusion. So far all the bug-repelling plants I have placed so far haven't formed an effective replacement for pesticides. I'm still not willing to poison my home, so I had to find another option. For the first time in my life, I went out and bought a bug zapper. I don't know how well it will work, but I will plug it in tomorrow, once the rain pushes through. I don't know how I have managed to go this many years, including the last three summers in the low country, without trying one of these things. I hope it works. I've invested too heavily in my pleasure park not to be able to spend time in it. That happened to me last year, and I am determined that this year will be different.
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