I'm starting to come to the realization that I have a long way to go. I thought I'd made inroads on ridding myself of the old pain and anger that used to eat me up inside, but I found that it didn't take much to send some of it bubbling to the surface. My poor husband just happened to be the one who was on the other side of the conversation when I was reminded of a long-running injustice (believe me, you don't want me to say more), and there I was, ranting about insensitive things other people said in the past. I suspect he was glad that he had to sign off and go to work. I didn't mean for all of that to spill out, and it was really his bad luck to have to read the baleful cries of my inner child. I hope it wasn't as bad as it seems in hindsight. Most of my rant dealt with my inability to solve a problem that shouldn't be this tough, and the feeling that everyone accuses me of lying when I explain how much I'm trying to do to accomplish my goal. It may take the rest of the night trying to rebury all the frustration and feelings of being judged unfairly.
My doctor called today to give me the results of all the testing from last week. So far every single thing run is showing nothing out of the ordinary, with one exception. I have a significant vitamin D deficiency. I just don't know how that is possible, considering how much time I spend in the sun. I guess I just don't synthesize it like I ought. I'm not looking forward to any kind of supplementation. I'm still fond of the notion that I should be able to get everything my body needs through good nutrition and clean living, but apparently that's too much to ask. My mother suggests getting the gummies version of vitamin D supplements. Yeah, that will make me feel like a grownup. But I'll probably do it.
I finally found a quick and easy way to remove the lizards who come into my house to die in horrible ways. I'm pretty sure tailless lizard number one survived his encounter with the boy cat and his flight through to the front porch on the dustpan (having been swept there with a bathroom squeegee). Tailless lizard number two might not have been found in time. He was pretty limp by the time Athena let me scoop him up. There have been several who seemed to play possum with me, only pretending to be vanquished, so the cats will leave them alone. I rarely find lizard bodies in the places where I dump them, so either they get up and run away or something big is coming along and eating them. I prefer to think that they come out of their little states of shock and go off to live normal, productive lives.
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