The March

Inspirational song: Old Man (Neil Young)

I had an unfortunate run-in with the biggest regret of my life this afternoon. I keep it locked away in the most secure of bank vaults, down a dark tunnel in the back of my mind, with armed guards and laser trip wires to keep me from stumbling into it. But there we were, in the middle of a political argument that had little bearing on our day to day lives, and even though I saw it coming, I couldn't stop the jail break. The regret came running out, and tore me into horrible little pieces. The argument quadrupled in size. We screamed. I cried. It was every bit as awful as you could expect. It took hours for me to pack it back behind all the barriers and breathe normally again. It left me bleeding slowly on the inside for far too long. This is why it has to stay hidden.

I don't know whether it's the end of the year that made me vulnerable to thinking of the old regret (it's almost 20 years now), or whether it was the discussion itself. It is the only thing I have ever experienced that would be enough for me to travel in time and undo, if such things were possible. I have other smaller regrets, including the new one this year, wishing I had managed to recognize Cricket's terminal illness months earlier, when I might have been able to help her. Nothing else approaches this deep, dark secret in size or scope. I don't ever want another one like it.

2014 was awful. It really was. Some of the crappiness started in 2013, and will continue on through next spring (the condos, obviously). Overall, I am completely ready to see this year in the rear view mirror. I will shake its hand, pat it on the back, and wish it well as it leaves forever. My mother shared with me her very calm, peaceful, dreamy statement of hope for the new year, that she expressed to her close group of friends. She was positive, looking for good things to come. Today, all I care about is kicking the outgoing year in the ass as it ends. Come to my house first, Father Time. When the ball drops in Times Square, that means I will be in the right zone to flip the calendar first. I will be waiting for 2015 with open arms. Don't break my heart, Baby New Year. I need you to be good to me.