I'm on information overload. For about two months, I was hiding. I tried not to look at a whole lot, because I just couldn't absorb anything. Certain images made me flinch, and I didn't want to look, didn't want to read, didn't want to talk about it. I still get upset, but I'm not in hiding anymore. I'm reading everything put in front of me. I'm playing videos. Watching television. And (gasp!) engaging in conversation again. Unfortunately I've swung the pendulum so far to one side, now I've gone from refusing to face new data to overloading my circuits and plugging up my bandwidth.
I thought that I'd get a chance to reset tonight. I splurged on a two hour massage. I expected to come out of it as stiff as a bag of porridge. At best I came out of it slightly more flexible. And well-rested. I'm fairly certain I slept through the entire back section. I asked whether I snored, and he said no. Just some involuntary muscle twitches. I'm pretty sure that was when I was asleep and jerked awake briefly from something in my dream. Was a nice nap, though.
I need to find a way to stay more alert, on so many levels. It is becoming even more important for me and for all of us. I can't hide from information anymore. I just have to figure out when to store my energy and when to expend it. One is a whole lot easier than the other.
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