I have surprised myself daily finding topics about which to write, when I am just sure I have run dry. But tonight, or really all day today, of everything that is going on around me, none of it is my story to tell. I'm really conflicted, and I don't know how to approach it. Dear friends of mine are having drama, and I care deeply what happens from here, because I love them so. But I have no control of the situation, and do not dare breathe a word of it in my public forum. Other friends are anticipating a joyous event, but no matter how much I jump and holler NOW, nothing I do can speed the process along. And from a great distance, I wish desperately I could have spent this day of all days with my man. But ultimately, I had no influence on how his day unfolded either. I'm feeling stifled and impotent today.
I had lunch with my extremely pregnant friend and her vastly superior three and a half year old daughter today. Her due date was originally this Sunday, but the ultrasound tech told her it would be today. I remember being that pregnant, how ready you are for that stage to end, and the cuddling the new baby part to begin. She is definitely there, and she has been for a couple weeks now. She has been having little contractions for a month, and bigger ones for a week. There were four that I know of while we had lunch. She is a small woman, several inches shorter than I am, and a delicate frame. Her belly was enormous and low, and when she stood up to leave, I noticed that her stretchy blue dress emphasized the difference in size of the baby belly and her slim hips. I hope things go well for her. Her daughter told me that the baby would just "pop out," as if she thought it would be effortless. I told her that her mommy needed to help too, and she asked why. Not knowing exactly how scientific her understanding of reproduction was yet, I decided the best answer was, "because babies are small and not very strong, and they can't do much of anything without their mommies' help."
My man wrote me this morning, asking whether our friends had a birthday present for him. His birthday is today, and we want so desperately for their son to be born today. As of writing this paragraph, she has 61 minutes to deliver, so to speak. I haven't heard anything from her since about 5 o'clock, but she was definitely not in active labor yet. She needs to get at it. It's a good day for birthdays. My man was his own brother's 14th birthday present. (My older daughter said she did the math, and decided she was her father's birthday present too...But that meant she came to us in November.) I wish I could have spent the day with my man. He is very difficult to buy presents for, so we usually end up finding fun experiences, like trips or shows, and calling those his presents. He told me he left work early, to prepare a patio on his house for warm weather use, and then played rugby (running headlong into a fellow player's elbow--I look forward to seeing his black eye on Skype as it develops). I suppose we can store his birthday entertainment, and take an extra trip when he gets home, his choice. If he would just hurry up and get here.
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