Unfocused

Inspirational song: Nothing from Nothing (Billy Preston)

I refuse to beat myself up for the days when my mind is scattered. These days happen a lot, and I accept them as my standard operating procedure. It makes it hard to find a unified topic to write about at night, but it means I don't get bored during the day. I bounce around from fragmented moment to fragmented moment like a squirrel with a triple-shot mocha latte, and I just let that freaked out squirrel fly free.

I'm getting around better and better. My endurance is allowing me greater freedom. We got out for an extended shopping trip, including a run through the Restore Warehouse, so we could donate some old light fixtures. It was almost dangerous for us to be there, because the man found a huge arched window that he wants to snag for his as-yet imaginary mountain cabin, to be built someday on that mining claim he bought earlier in the winter. So far he hasn't bought it, but I fear it will be sitting in my garage before the week is out. At least we only left with photographs of the really fun thing we saw, however. There was a giant console record player, radio tuner, and 8-track player. The thing was at least six feet long, walnut stained, and it had that quintessential carved wood front from the 1970s. Wow. I definitely don't want to find that in my garage next week.

My newfound strength extended to being able to make a whole dinner, although it took me several sit-down breaks and one overdue percocet to complete it. It was appropriate that what I fixed was technically called hash, because it was as motley a mix as comes out of a scrambled mind such as mine. It was a step up from the grain free apple breads I made yesterday, without a recipe, that ended up tasting a little too much like sawdust, a result of a heavy hand with the coconut flour. I have no idea what I did a month ago that made perfect, moist little cakes. These were barely saved by thick smears of butter on each tiny slice.

I have hope that I will be strong enough over the next two or three days to clean my house. There will be family visiting at the end of the week, and I can't let them see this place how it has been for weeks, with me sick and the man not noticing how much damage a maladjusted cat and a handicapped dog can do in a short amount of time. I've managed to pull energy from thin air for the last two days. I can make something out of nothing, and keep building on it. I don't have much choice.