Tell me I'm not alone. Tell me other people get so lost in their own heads that they lose entire days too. Because this is not the first time this has happened to me. I'm not saying I did absolutely nothing productive today. I'm saying that my mind took its own vacation even as I was trying to be a normal human adult and go through my usual activities. I definitely wasn't following my plan to live in the moment. I was reliving ancient history, while carrying on imaginary conversations with current day versions of the people in my memories, with occasional flashes of pure fantasy with no basis in real life. I don't think it's so bad to daydream to this extent some of the time, but let's just say I am glad my driving was kept to a minimum today. It makes me a little nervous when I don't feel fully present behind the wheel, especially since I was out at rush hour. I hope I managed to sound relatively sane when I planned a game night with a friend of mine. Maybe it's not so bad to have a reputation for zero conversational focus. No one is really surprised when I zone out and say "um" three or four times in a row, mid sentence.
My future is up in the air, and has been for months now. I think it's easy to let your mind wander when there is so much uncertainty in the near future and long term. I started thinking again about whether to work for someone else now or relatively soon, and I kicked around ideas on how to make writing actually pay. I relived the anger over Adsense, as I relayed the story as I interpret it to my mah jongg master. There has to be a better way to make a living with my words than participating in advertising scams. One of these days I will find the right someone who knows someone who can show me the way. Or maybe I'm still just dreaming.
Park maintenance was at a minimum today. It dried just enough for me to cross the swamp to prune back the suckers at the base of the weeping willow. They were sucking all the energy of the tree, starting to leaf out beautifully, while the top of the tree was just barely getting green. I shouldn't complain too much about it. I seem to remember last year, the willow stayed dormant well into April. I checked on the bald cypress to answer my man as to whether it survived. I trimmed off a few tiny branches at knee level, and two of the three showed thin rings of green. I am taking this as a good sign, that it has survived and will leaf out when it is good and ready. While I was studying the forsythia, begging it to give me the glorious yellow blossoms I'm craving, I noticed at least one blueberry has survived the winter and is breaking out a little new growth. I am going to have to get serious about weeding along the fence, unlike last year, but first I need to invest in a pair of Tyvek coveralls, or maybe a full hazmat suit, and clear out two seasons' worth of dog poo so I can reach the fence. In my daydreams, I have sufficient funds to hire a lawn service who specializes in that. I like my fantasy world so much better than that particular reality.
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