When we had our first class Monday night, we had the discussion of attendance, and the expectation that we would try to make every class, but the instructor understands that life happens. If catastrophe strikes, we can submit homework early and miss a single time. I assumed that I wouldn't have to take advantage of that leniency, but I'm starting to see how easily things might turn. I stressed out waiting for the Mister to return, even through that punishing massage (bruises lasted too long from it), and when I finally sat down to do homework yesterday, it was all I could do to concentrate. My mind just wasn't into it. I stuck with it and finished, but even today, I had trouble getting into school mode. Then I got a phone call, saying that all hell was breaking loose with someone I love dearly. It occurred to me that sooner than I expected, life was happening, whether I was ready for it or not. Hasn't this summer given me enough lessons in that? There is no coasting here, no rest for the wicked.
I wish I could open up more about what is happening, to friends who mean the world to me, but some things are not my story to tell. The edited version is that some very important people (to me) are going through a significant emotional crisis. In some respects, there may be no return from this schism. I want to help more than anything, but I am too far away physically to do any more than support them emotionally. This has been no fun, knowing these friends are suffering this pain, a few months after watching other friends frazzled to their wits' ends over watching their life savings nearly collapse in a spectacular shitstorm (that finally seems to be subsiding). It's making me feel worse than worthless, wanting to help all my loved ones, and being totally incapable of making meaningful changes for any of them.
That's a lesson I never learn. I always want to take all the pain away from the people I care about. The feeling is the strongest with my girls. I have to be reminded constantly that I can't coddle them, that they have to make their own mistakes. I'm sure the same theory applies to my friends who have to work through this pain, and get to the other side on their own. I just don't have to like it.
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