Room for Activities

Inspirational song: Empty Spaces (Pink Floyd)

This is really weird. It has been at least thirty years since I last intentionally put a mattress and box springs directly on the floor, intending to leave it that way. I know that when I was in college, I didn't own a bed frame right away. I bought one by the time I was a senior, and have had some sort of lift to where I sleep ever since. The last one was really high, just the way I like it. Now, as I recline in my room, watching TV while I rest my aching feet, I feel like I'm practically sitting on the floor. My eyes are at the mid-point of the vertical space, and I don't think I like it.

When I went to bed last night, my room was a study in chaos. Now it is 95% tidy, with all surfaces wiped down with Simple Green, Windex, or wood cleaner. Enormous piles of detritus are in the living room, waiting to be shredded or donated. I pray none of them end up back in here. Now, to paraphrase the movie Step Brothers, "There's so much extra room for activities!" I had to have help to get it to this point. My kids came over and helped me move big things and they did a lot of the cleaning too. I fed them, but I let my daughter do most of the prep work for salads too. At least I made the spice cake we had for dessert without needing reinforcements.

So far the fatigue and pain of cancer are increasing rapidly. I think the pain was exacerbated by me going back to taking my NSAIDs too soon, making the biopsy bleed horribly inside. I hope that's all it is. The fatigue is crazy now. I walk so slowly, even just carrying a small handful of trash from the bedroom to the can in the kitchen. I have to stop and sit frequently. Unfortunately, I didn't do that enough today, and now my feet feel like I hiked barefoot across gravel for miles. I am writing as early as I can so that I can allow myself to fall asleep in front of the TV without guilt.

As I write, I have about 40 hours until my appointment with the surgeon. I have no idea how this is going to go. I'm starting to get nervous. Like really nervous. I am hoping having one big thing done--having the bedroom ready for all eventualities--will be enough to help me calm down. My blood pressure is probably climbing just thinking about everything.