The ship has been righted. My head is screwed on straight again today. At least it is for now. I pulled on my big-girl pants and made some phone calls that tamped down some fears for a few days. I called the liaison and asked about the second lump I found right next to where the biopsy needle went in. She consulted with someone on staff at the place where the biopsy was done, and said it was most likely a bruise from the needle. It's very rare than cancers suddenly spread that quickly. So I'm feeling a little less agitated than I was yesterday. The rain on the parade was that the radiologist who will read and interpret my MRI is off this week (or maybe more than one are because of spring break?), so I won't have results until Monday at the earliest.
The other call I made was to my insurance, to find out what the deal was with my copay for the biopsy. I had gotten a notice from the hospital that I had a balance due when I had paid my usual amount at the window at check-in. Turns out the biopsy was considered ambulatory surgery, and it cost double what I expected. And this amount is more than double what the "procedure" copay was last time I had anything big done, like the colonoscopy a few years ago. What it boils down to is that I've just learned that cancer is going to be even more expensive than I expected it to be, and it is going to cost me forever. Maybe I ought to revisit that conversation I had with a younger computer-programming-savvy person who suggested she could put a donation button on my page. I had signed up for a Patreon account years ago, but I never applied it to anything, both for lack of understanding exactly how, and for the hurdle of needing to offer extra content when I am already wearing myself out by writing every single night for six years.
I'm trying to step up my healthy eating game, now that it's more important than ever. I've never had a problem convincing myself to eat vegetables. They're the best part of any meal, and I've believed that for my whole life. But fatigue and inertia sometimes keeps me from making the healthiest foods all the time. If easy food is available, I have been known to take that route. I have to cut it out. No more skipping lunch, and no more letting lunch be french fries and a coke from a drive through window. (The only foods I am able to get from fast food establishments, and even then, not from every chain.) I had a boeuf bourginon simmering in the crock pot for dinner, and discovered I was hungry enough that waiting was uncomfortable. I forced myself to make an easy salad, with a little goat cheese and walnuts thrown on top, to make it through the day. I should be eating greens at every meal, but I haven't convinced myself to expend the energy yet. I'm getting better about being better, but I'm not all the way there yet.
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