For the first time in just over six weeks, I'm able to think about something other than cancer all day and all night. It was oppressive--wondering, fearing, not knowing, and then knowing but thinking it was worse than it was. After yesterday, I have significantly less trepidation. I can't say that I'm looking forward to this process, but it isn't freaking me out like it was a week ago.
I went almost five years without writing a Twitter bio on my account. I didn't know what to say, and I was ignorant of the hallmarks of bots and trolls, so I just left that off. Last fall, I put a blurb for the first time, that said something like, "Sometimes I use sportsball to distract myself from the dumpster fire of life. Don't try to take that away from me." Coincidentally enough, that's exactly how I can describe today. I thought about the cancer just long enough to make the appointment for my MRI, and to take one call from the physical therapist who would get me set up to make sure lymph node removal doesn't affect me negatively. I failed to call her back when she left a voicemail while I was making lunch. I failed to cancel my massage next month (three days after surgery). And I failed to call my PCP to tell her that I screwed up on one of my mail-order prescriptions. Instead, I sat on my bed, crocheting a pink and gray bag to hold my medical care notebooks, and watching basketball. The games were engrossing and I completely put aside my cares while I watched.
I fill out brackets most years now, ever since my older daughter was in basketball band at CU. I think I missed completely last year. I filled one out this morning, but it's possible I hit save fifteen minutes late for it to really count. The email reminder said to have it done by noon eastern, but once I clicked through, I thought I saw 11 eastern. When I saved the only bracket I made, it was almost 9:15 local. I didn't overthink it, knowing it was late. I just went with my gut and clicked on some names. I may have goofed, putting all number one seeds in the final four. I didn't intend to. Normally I'd be very careful not to.
At bedtime Thursday, I have done pretty well at my stab-in-the-dark bracket. I listened to the voice in my head that said Minnesota would win. I wanted Belmont to upset Maryland (mostly because I once lived on a Belmont street when I was in grade school), and they almost did it. It was the first nail-biter of the day, but Maryland won 79-77. And then I struggled choosing the 8 v 9 game, selecting Syracuse over Baylor. I watched that game and others tonight at the neighbor's, and while he was cheering on the superior athleticism shown by Baylor, I was bemoaning the damage to my bracket. I ended the first half of the first round with 14 right and 2 wrong. I can be pleased with that.
They gave me a bright pink reusable grocery bag at the breast care center. It's too big for how much literature I currently have, and while these are great to carry boxes of cereal home, they're not great for three-ring binders. That's why I am making a sturdy crochet one. Besides, this one is way too much fun for little white kitties to fight over.
No comments:
Post a Comment