For the first time, pain is starting to develop. So far, it's very mild, but it's possible that with four more radiation treatments, it could turn into something. It's warm enough that I can feel it through my shirt and somewhat thick bra (the kind that holds its shape when you set it down). The left side is noticeably hot. It makes sense. I'm radiating more heat than usual because I have literally been irradiated. It still doesn't register as an increase on the pain scale, really. I am merely more aware of it than I was before. I'm also starting to see my energy flag, as of an hour after this afternoon's treatment. Nothing to complain about yet, but I see where this is going.
Is it weird that there are parts of this experience that are fun? Talking football with the ladies who run the machines is cool. But also, riding the table as it spins around, up and down, clockwise and counter clockwise, that's honestly fun. It doesn't last long. Not even as long as a ride through the Haunted Mansion. I still enjoy it. Maybe I need to get out more. Go out on a boat or something.
My energy was good for most of the day. I got a lot done to prepare for game night. I made a pineapple upside down cake (although I was skeptical about the gluten-free mix that called for buttermilk, and smelled kind of icky). I painted figurines for the game, for the character who is a frog who can walk bipedally and is a monk, for my paladin and her squire, and for the character who is a cat who once was a sorcerer's familiar, who is now able to cast spells on his own. After all that, I went to a Rotary social at a cool restaurant where I'd never been (and probably won't unless they add more non-fish gluten free meals to their menu), and had a vanilla Old Fashioned while I chatted with my friends. By the time I dragged myself out of there, my energy was done, and I still had to come home and make the edamame spaghetti for the main course and play the game with everyone. I had a little trouble focusing, partly because I was wiped out and partly because there are so many people it takes forever to get through an encounter. When the night was over, I made myself do the dishes before I collapse in bed, but it was rough going not to give up early. I had to remind myself how much better it feels not to have dishes left over from the night before, to keep at it.
One of my friends has said a couple of times she's impressed by how I've handled this whole process. She says my attitude in tackling my surgery and treatment has surprised her. I'm not sure how I could have done it differently. Stayed home and complained? How would that have helped? I was home a lot, not doing much while the chemo did its thing, and that was just boring. I can't imagine staying home any more, or being cranky and difficult so much that I drive away the people who support me during this ordeal. That would have made all of us miserable. I'd prefer to do as much as I can on my own, and to accept the help people offer with gratitude and appreciation. If I missed my mark, I hope people tell me, so I can correct the oversight. And then I want to continue on with a good attitude.
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