Nothing came easy today, with the exception of a hat trick of wins in mah jongg this morning. Everything else required digging deep to find my inner grownup. And she was well and truly hidden for as much of the day as possible. By the time I needed to get ready for water aerobics, I was curled up in a ball of anxiety, trying to reason away a nervous stomach. It wasn't until I had forced myself to put on my swimsuit that I was sure I was going to go to the pool. But once on the road, I was very glad I pushed through the reluctance. I ran into someone I needed to talk to when I got there, and I felt so much better about myself for getting a good workout. It would be so easy to give up. But I can't do that to myself. This is so important.
I decided to explore a little on the way home. I thought I knew a road that cut through to an expressway, so I gave it a try. For the first block or two, it was great. I passed one of those hundred year old coastal houses that I could only dream about. I don't think I would be able to set foot in that place, even if I bought a ticket to a tour of homes. It was so far out of my league I could barely focus on it. Two blocks later, I realized I was driving under the expressway I wanted, and the neighborhood changed dramatically. It became very rural, and far less prosperous. And as I turned through it, I realized there was no way out of it. It was impossible to miss the metaphor. After a mile or two of driving, very happy that I had the navigation system to warn me when I was stuck on the dead end roads, I found a connector road that eventually led someplace I recognized.
Before I made it home, I remembered that I was completely out of money, while for days I carried around three checks that I have been unable to deposit. After my bank telling me my account had been compromised, and sending me a new debit card, I have discovered that since I got the new card, I can no longer deposit to my out of state credit union at the local ATMs that I had used for years. I have no idea what the problem is, so I had to drive around looking for a new credit union to use. I was hesitant to use the one I found, since it was the old envelope-using style. I trust that much less than the ones that scan the checks. I hope my money actually makes it into my account.
While I was finding the new credit union, I drove dangerously close to Cane's, the most addictive fried chicken I have ever sampled. There I was, tired from aerobics, defenses low from a frustrating drive to find and ATM, and that sweet siren calling me. But I resisted. I am trying to be healthy, and I found the strength to work out, when I really didn't want to. If I'm on my way to health, I can't stop at a fast food chain (even one so delicious). I can't get there from here.
I only took one photograph today, a study in black and white. It doesn't match my story, but it was pretty enough to share anyway.
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