For all that spending time with my Bonfire family has helped to keep the demons at bay, there is only so much partying I can take in one week. I did everything I could to be social today, but eventually the ghosts of Christmases past got me. It was quiet in the house this morning, just enough for my insecurities and hated feelings of being invisible to have caught hold. I spent the rest of the day trying to run away from the funk. Several key calendar days affect me this way, but I don't feel like I can adequately explain what it is that happens to me at times like this. It's the inner child that is voicing complaint, and the adult in charge here keeps trying to use logic and reason to counteract the crises. We're going to keep hashing it out in private, and let you stay out of the fray.
I did have a few hours of peace, spent at a noisy crush of a Bonfire potluck. The food was excellent, even if I think I did make some unfortunate assumptions regarding what is and isn't gluten free. The company was all I could hope for from my beloved local family. My host even had the exact same nativity set that my family had when I was little. But fatigue and discomfort and the argument between the grown up me and little kid me eventually sent me heading for home. I need sappy movies and a lap blanket and a cat or three purring against me until I feel better. And if I end up falling asleep on the couch, I'm totally fine with that. There's no one here to tell me I can't. Not even the grown up me.
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