I've done nothing but talk for eight days straight. This is no ancient miracle. This is exhausting. It has been exhilarating at times, upsetting at times, productive, and painful. I dusted off my old skills at working a room at the open house, and I found that I knew how to go the extra mile for clients. I wrote two offers, one of which was submitted but failed to make the first cut, one of which would have been an incredibly strong offer but was not signed in time to be submitted. Even though both failed, I felt that I progressed massively with the experiences. And then at what should have been the highest point of my week, I picked off all of the scabs of the last 28 years or so, and spent the last two days talking about the most painful and most repressed emotions I carry with me every day. More has been said this weekend than has been said in the last 15 years. I can't say yet what good it did, if any. Some things will be better for it, some worse. But at least some festering wounds have been lanced, and maybe in the draining, we will all improve one way or another.
My weekend wasn't all introspective. It was also wine and roses. Or at least roses and lilacs. Apparently I was supposed to be getting a surprise grouping of red, white, and (purply) blue roses, but when they got pulled out of the garage and planted, it was discovered that the colors were off. I got a deep red "Oklahoma" rose, a pink "Gene Boerner" rose (whoops, not blue), and the tag inside the white "John F Kennedy" rose actually said "Paradise." So who knows what will come up there. But regardless, I have three new rosebushes in a grouping, right next to the front walk. I'm good. And one of the lilacs is in the ground now. More of the bulbs are coming up, including crocus and hyacinth, although I didn't take pictures of those.
We've talked a lot about me getting more active. Mostly it's my kids and husband begging me not to sit around and just feel pain and not do anything. I've been trying to hold off until I get my first rheumatology visit, so that I have both specific instructions from the doctor about what I should and shouldn't attempt, but also in the hopes that she'll give me the first rounds of medications to make motion less painful than it is now. I ran out of free passes tonight, and agreed to take the first steps, literally. I've been up and active more than I really had energy for, but I pushed a little harder tonight. We walked to Starbucks instead of driving, and I found that I was able to do it after all. I even walked quickly, as a front blew in with colder air and rain while we were out. And then tonight, I asked for a suggestion of two or three basic yoga poses to try to see whether I can stand to do the stretching and breathing that people (family and doctor) have been demanding of me. I'll do these for a while, and see whether they relax me or annoy me. If/when I'm ready for more, a good friend has become a certified yoga instructor, and I will ask her for a private tutoring session to pick up more moves. I haven't told her this yet. I just thought of it tonight, while we were trying to come up with the basic framework to rebuild my broken body. These things will come with time, and I'm not going to rush myself. I have all the rest of my life for these days to arrive.
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