For months I've been driving past a face that beckons me every time I see it. All along one of the main thoroughfares in Loveland are dozens of sculptures, in the neighborhood that includes Benson Sculpture Park. I always watch for the giant fat rabbit on the west side of the street. I have been telling myself since March that I was going to stop and take her picture. I put it off and put it off. But I always thought it would be a good idea. Today, I stopped procrastinating. It only took three minutes out of my commute to pull into the parking lot, and take two photos of her. I don't know why I never did it before. It wasn't hard, but it was something I wanted and never accomplished. It felt like a lesson.
Much of my life has been on hold. I have been so miserable for so long, both physically and emotionally, and I found myself stuck on simple tasks that seemed impossible to complete. The inertia was weighing heavily on me. It has been dragging me down a lot longer than the last few months that I've known about the big separation that just happened. It's been years since I felt the fire of creativity like I did in my youth. I used to have boundless energy to make things day and night. I once had a costume design business, and I would spend ten or twelve hours a day designing and sewing costumes. In my down time, I would draw or paint or write. I cooked from scratch, I copied things I saw in stores and made them all by hand. Sure, much of this was inspired by a lack of income to buy ready-made goods, but I also knew I had the skills and it was fun for me to beat the system. But my life and body got the better of me. I got tired. I started to hurt. I took short cuts and let things slide. I decided that as our family income went up, my burning desire to do everything on my own was going down. And then... apathy set in. Managing pain and fatigue became more important than proving that I was a Renaissance woman who could create anything with her own two hands.
Now I am wondering how to pull myself out of that years-long funk. I've been working on that conundrum for ages. This time around, I'm trying to tackle things a few small tasks at a time, to retrain myself. If that has to start with pictures of one fat rabbit statue, then that counts as my first step. It's not the only thing I've accomplished in the last week, since the next phase of my life began. It's just the first thing that has felt like it is sending me a message. And what a cute message it is.
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