It is finished.
He left this afternoon. He didn't get every project done, but he left the house in as good of shape as he could. I think I can handle it from here. The house, that is. The other stuff is going to take a while.
There were times I wished he would have just left when it all blew up. Obviously there were more times I didn't want him to leave, ever, but I did have moments when it hurt more to drag it out. I had friends who were on the "just leave" side. But in the end, it worked out for the best. It gave us both time to come around to say that we do still have love left for each other, even if living together isn't possible anymore. I needed to hear that as much as I needed to say it.
For those who have seen me this week, I swear, yes, eventually I did eat. I didn't expect to, but I was coerced into going out to dinner. By the time I got to a restaurant and smelled beef, I found an appetite, enough to have a small meal. Victory!
I've been talking to my daughter for an hour, and I'm feeling sort of positive right now. It has not been that way all day. Yes, I have cried an ocean of tears today. I probably will do so again. It seems to happen most often right as I get quiet and try to sleep. It hurts as much as you can imagine.
Thank you to the people who have offered support. Your kind words are heard and appreciated. To all of you who have survived broken marriages and come out stronger on the other side, I admire your strength. I do not yet know where to find that strength for myself. People say it is there, but right now all I can find is the pain. Lots and lots of pain.
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