Everyone keeps telling me that I'll find strength like I never knew existed. Today, I started looking for it, and tested myself with a little strength training exercise. I held another house open for my managing broker, with my own agenda at work. It is assumed, when an agent holds an open house, that one of the things they're doing is fishing for new clients. It even works sometimes. But that wasn't my motivation this time around. I've been stuck in one long anxiety attack for weeks. Today all I cared about was shaking off the shackles that have been keeping me from working effectively. I was just there to spend a few hours thinking only about real estate and chatting up strangers. It worked. I got my words back. I got a level of confidence back that I hadn't had in a while. All I had to do was stand up and talk to people for two and a half hours non-stop. I had a stack of flyers for the house with my name at the bottom of them, and I had an acrylic stand with my business cards. I didn't monitor anyone to see whether they took them. I didn't harvest names or contact information. I just wanted to get my mind on houses and people, so that is all I did. And I feel much better for it.
The house was painfully beautiful. It was a small place, built in 1900. It was 50 square feet smaller than my daughter's condo, but it felt like it had so much more space. The floor plan really worked in its favor. It had been thoroughly remodeled, with dark bamboo floors, a gorgeous custom kitchen (including cabinets that a craftsman friend made and recycled glass counters), and adorable touches throughout. The homeowner has a very similar taste in antiques as me. I coveted so much in her house. I wanted things so badly I felt guilty for just taking pictures of a few things. I enjoyed being there the whole time. I grew up in a house of a similar vintage (mine was built in 1908), and it felt like home, even though it was a quarter of the size of my old Oklahoma house.
It feels good to be back at work. I needed to be able to get out of my own way and focus on things that give me a sense of purpose, and real estate does that. I'm not worried that I didn't do the cheesy salesman thing, scooping up contact information for future leads. I just wanted to be back in that world again, speaking that language. I feel stronger and I see a way forward. Still waiting for that big break, but it's coming.
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