Damn the house was quiet today. Obviously that was by design. No dogs barking at squirrels, no sounds of a husband making coffee first thing in the morning. Welcome to the first day of the rest of my life. It's a lot like his last deployment, but without the promises that he would come home. It isn't his home anymore. He wants it that way, so I guess I'm going to learn to live with it.
I've had a lot of friends coming out of the woodwork to talk, and many stepping up to keep me company in the immediate future. I'm going to rely on the kindness of these people frequently, especially at first. When I was told I was meeting close friends for lunch today, I didn't argue. I showed up at the restaurant on time. It's helping me hold my head up and keep a straight face. I've taken a lot of time off from the outside world while I rocketed across the emotional spectrum for the last several weeks. I need to get back to work and back to acting like a grown up as soon as possible. Otherwise, I risk digging in so deeply that I can't be extricated again. I know what I'm capable of, and I'm capable of building one hell of a blanket fort to hide in.
To prevent confusion, a word about pronouns: I will continue to use the word "we" fairly often over the next few months. A week ago, we made arrangements to rent out a room downstairs. There will be an extra adult around to help me with a few things, but he isn't here as hired help. He's a fully autonomous housemate. Occasionally we'll keep company, like maybe playing Guitar Hero or going out to restaurants together (like last night). I just don't want people to think I've already replaced Mr X. I won't necessarily keep it super secret when the time comes for me to date again, but no, I haven't started yet. And it is entirely coincidental that he's also a Smith. He's just not a second Mr Smith-Park.
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