A few steps forward, a few steps back, a few to either side. Am I doing the Hustle? The Time Warp? Or just putting out a whole lot of effort to get no further than I was before? Maybe if I make all the goofs early, before anything serious is on the line, I can be an expert when it really counts. Or, I can convince myself that I'll never make it, and give up. I really don't know what is going to happen anymore.
At least I'm not downstairs where the future Mr X is researching exactly what goes into a legal separation. We've never done this before, and it will take a bit of reading from reliable sources. Even he is finding it difficult to make progress, because as soon as he got down there to start his research, I had to call him upstairs to save the life of a hawk moth who made the mistake of flying in the open back door. There were two very large Minions of Chaos determined to take it down, at the expense of my plants and vintage wooden screen. At various points Jackie and Alfred both had it captured, but were forced to let it go, and the chase continued. I laughed like a 20th century kid watching a Keystone Cops movie. The man performing the rescue thought it was much less hilarious. Jackie is still staring wide-eyed at the ficus tree, looking for the moth, even though it has been released back into the wild.
This afternoon we celebrated the high school graduation of our dear friends' daughter. For all that her parents fretted, at least she accomplished the task she set out to do, and is now on the road to the next phase of her life. I remember what that felt like, finishing high school, and being excited to move on, out of my hometown, and into the wide world. I don't think I had any idea what was in store for me. My life certainly didn't follow the trajectory I thought it would when I was 17. I didn't stick with my chosen major in college (Russian language) nor follow the career path I thought I wanted (to be an NSA translator). Life got in the way at every twist and turn. And now, probably more than halfway through, at least I can say I have very few regrets. There are a few things I wish I had done differently, but overall, my life made me who I am, with faults and strengths. Yes, I have some major F-ups. But I also did some remarkable things. Despite my tendency to pull inside myself during times of stress, I found a way to really live. I stepped outside of my comfort zone. I made a difference here and there. I created two fantastic other human beings. On days when I can't tell that the road I'm on is leading anywhere, maybe all I have to do is turn around and look at all the places it ran through to get here. It's somewhere, alright.
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