Too Much, Too Soon

Inspirational song: Institutionalized (Suicidal Tendencies)

I pretended that I didn't need my painkillers this morning. I was awake when the 6 am one was due, and I thought, no, I'm cool. I can get away without it. Then I got up and started walking around and by the time my coffee was gone, I knew better. I still needed to be on drugs. I pushed it on how long that one lasted, and the second one this afternoon took a long time to take the edge off. Now it's getting close to bedtime, I can't remember when I took the last pill, and I feel like I have a hot stickerbush tucked under my arm. The real pain is where they took the lymph node, and I keep moving it around more than I ought to. It is terribly inconvenient to be left-handed at a time like this. I keep wanting to reach as usual and lift things that I shouldn't.

I got my first look at everything today. I had to wear the surgical bra for 48 hours, and I was sick to death of the velcro straps digging into my skin. I peeled it off at the 45 hour mark and took a shower. It's a different look, that's for sure. I think she took somewhere between 35 and 40% of my breast. The seam is straight, not puckered or anything, so perhaps that counts as success? It is really weird looking, though. The difference between the two breasts is significant. I couldn't tell how much until I saw them uncovered. The left one was always the smaller one (no one is perfectly symmetrical, so I'm not afraid of making myself sound like a freak), but now the right one is still the original DD, and the left is an abbreviated D, at best. I wonder where I'll end up after reconstruction. A C sounds nice.

We went out to check out a new primary care clinic right before lunchtime. That was my big adventure for the week. We drove halfway across town, spoke to the front desk folks, and learned what we needed to do to get set up once our doctor retires (next week). I came home feeling like I'd spent a day laboring in the fields. I shouldn't have tried to do so much so soon. I'll take it easier tomorrow, even if I think I'm okay.

While I napped this afternoon, my doorbell rang. A lovely miniature rose bush appeared on my porch, from my dad and step-mom. We need to get busy on ripping up the grass out front, where we are slowly converting to a flower garden instead. This rose will look pretty up there.