Voice Mail

Inspirational song: 96 Tears (? and the Mysterians)

There was only one outstanding mystery that was due to be answered today. On Wednesday of last week, I had my MRI. I have been telling doctors and nurses for weeks that I have nagging pain under my arm, on the side with the tumor, that has bothered me for more than a year. When I climbed into the MRI machine, I did it with a little capsule of vitamin E stuck to my side, marking that spot. I made a point of asking the tech whether this would pick up any anomaly there, which was why he gave me the marker. I spent the days since the test feeling extra pressure, like I was being picked up by someone with hands big enough to lift me by the underarm. I called the doc's team on Friday, asking hey, is this an issue? And through the whole thing, I kept myself restrained by saying just wait for the MRI results.

I did as much as I could today, which wasn't much. I was doing well to get a shower and a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. By mid afternoon I was too drained to swipe my hand across an iPad screen, so I went to take a nap. I was out longer than I intended, close to two hours. I woke when the postman rang the doorbell, and eventually ended back out in the room where I'd left my electronics. I had a missed call and a voice mail. My MRI results were in.

The nurse calling with the results said "I have some good news to report," but I don't know what that means. I certainly don't know how it helps my specific situation. Medical professionals always think they're relieving our worries when they say tests are clean, there must not be anything wrong with you. For many people like me, it's actually horrible news, because it means that pain or malfunction exists without an identifiable and (more importantly) fixable solution. It often means more tests and more costs. Certainly if they say the tumor is still within the confines of where it was first identified, that's great. No cancer in the lymph nodes, if true, also cool. But it still wouldn't explain why there is so much pressure under my arm. The patient liaison last week tried to be encouraging with "Maybe you're just more aware of it now." What a nice way to say, "It's all in your head."

It's not just in my head. I have to wait until tomorrow to get the results. Office was closed when I got the voice mail.

No photos. I forgot to take any new ones.