Tuesday, August 13, 2019

Restraint

Inspirational song: The Waiting (Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers)

Two more days of prep time to go. I'm so ready for that last treatment, not that I'm eager to feel bad. I just want to get it over with. The end is so close I can taste it. (Or maybe I'm just happy that I can taste anything. Those last few days at the end of a cycle feel like normal life, and I treasure them.) I made it to Rotary, to see my good friends, and it was fantastic to be in a crowd again. I'll miss the monthly social next week, but that should be the last time for the foreseeable future. That group is really good for my emotional health, and I got a huge boost to that today.

We were running out of the most important staples we depend on around here (half and half, coffee, sugar, butter, and non-bleach detergent booster), so it was the perfect time to go to Costco. The Mr needed to order tires for his dedicated Lyft car, so we split up at the front. I slowly walked every single aisle, a few of them twice, while I waited. I collected the things we really needed, including retrieving two of the last three available 40+ pound bags of cat litter from the floor. (I had no business lifting them, but I was all alone for too long to be willing to wait.) By the time we met back up, half an hour later (major SNAFU with the tire center), I'd worn blisters into my heels and strained both hip flexors from trying to turn a full cart with 85 pounds of cat litter at the front end for too long. But even with the exhaustion that brought, I was glad to be out and about. Plus, I'm kind of proud of myself for showing restraint. I walked past food that I knew we just didn't need, and things we didn't need right now. I gave up walking ahead by the time I hit the produce section. I still floated slowly around in circles, like I was on a raft on a lazy river, past avocados, peaches, lemons, and multi-colored bell peppers, all of which I'd love to have acquired today. But I know I'm not going to eat at all from Sunday through about Thursday, and all that produce would just rot in my fridge. Look at me, not consigning giant containers of potatoes, carrots, and strawberries to a gruesome fate! I'm learning. It is a slow process, but I'm learning.


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