Case of the Mondays

Inspirational song: Afraid of Sunlight (Marillion)

I have a long history of feeling under the weather on the Monday before my birthday. As far as I can tell, it has happened every year since I turned ten years old, so I have experienced this phenomenon for decades. I always wondered why this happened, and was it just because I expected it, and was it a self-fulfilling prophecy? Deep inside me, I refused to believe it was all in my head, because it usually happens that I am not aware it's that particular Monday until hours into a day of dragging my tail around. Last week, my mother suggested that I just plan on every Monday being my recovery day from the weekends, as I seem to find myself down often at this time. Somewhere during a day of excessive pain and fever today, I started putting the pieces together. It really wasn't in my head. This stupid pre-birthday tradition is grounded in an actual chronic illness that flares with both stress and excitment. You would think I'd be tired of gasping with sudden understanding, then sighing, "Ooohhh... Well, that makes sense now." Yeah. Makes sense in a 2016 world.

I made myself buckle up and go out at sundown again, even as I still felt yucky while I dressed in workout clothes and put on my shoes. I went to walk around the golf course near my friend's house, and it changed my whole physical attitude. Getting out in the cool air, walking her tiny, tiny dog (a Yorkie puppy), and sharing more about our common and uncommon experiences has erased the usual Monday blahs. My friend and I are of an age, recently single (through different methods), and we met through our mutual desire to write and share our writing. She stuck with me through a hard spring and summer that involved her inviting me to fun events and me backing out when the lupus kept flaring and the depression kept putting a cherry on the top of that sundae. Now that I'm getting a handle on my health and my mind has agreed to cooperate, we are making more effort to meet for coffee and walks, and it has been glorious to further our friendship. Expect to hear more as we find more excuses to get out and experience all that this state has to offer.

Not long after I got home from the lap around the golf course, I took the opportunity to walk again around the neighborhood. I keep going back to the memory that I had Saturday morning (on my first long walk of that day), remembering that in late February, I was using a cane to walk to the stop sign at the end of my block. I was exhausted and shaking when I made it back home from those trips. Today, my phone's walking app claims I went almost four and a half miles between the two events. I know there will be more challenges to come with chronic illness. I can point myself to how thoroughly I over came this round, and remind myself that I can do it again, with effort.