Y'know, I can recognize a perfect metaphor when one comes along and smacks me in the face. I sat down more than an hour and a half ago to write tonight's post, and got as far as the composition page. I had barely typed the first couple words, when my entire screen went blue then black. My laptop that I almost never shut down was restarting and running updates. I thought maybe it would take five or ten minutes. It processed everything for more than an hour, and even once it gave me a log in screen, it took another five or six minutes to stop bragging that it had run updates and didn't I notice what a great job it had done?
Today was my chance to run updates on myself. I had been going full tilt for too long, and like clockwork, I needed a day to bottom out and feel like crap. I have noticed that these days have been coming more and more quickly. It used to be once every month or two I built the blanket fort. Now it's once a week. Is it stress or just the progression of the disease? My frequency modulation is speeding up, and the amplitude of the waves is becoming greater, especially over the last four or five years. When I feel good, I run with it. When I feel like shit, as today, I wonder every few minutes whether it is really the lupus, or did I catch the flu and not notice until now? I don't enjoy staying in pajamas all day, noticing somewhere around three in the afternoon that I never actually brushed my teeth or ate a real meal. (I fixed both of those details a little later on.) I have to hope that the restart clears my cache so I can run smoothly tomorrow. Tuesdays are my busy days.
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