Pledged

Inspirational song: I Dig You (Cult Hero)

Every single night for three and a half years, I've found new ways to talk about myself and my experiences. I've even read out loud the things I've written here in front of small audiences of eight or ten people at my writers group. I thought I was cool with living so openly. But when it came time to write a required speech all about me to give to the whole assembly at my Rotary group, suddenly I was a shrinking violet. I dragged my feet for months, too shy to stand in front of the crowd and give the story of my professional life. It didn't help that this entire year had turned my whole identity on its head. I had no idea how to describe myself when I had no idea who I was anymore. It took until the end of the summer or the beginning of the fall for me to feel clear enough about what I would say before I started really composing the speech in my head. It took me until October to be brave enough to schedule it. I had a one-month reprieve when we realized that the original date I'd chosen was actually the "Rotary Day Out" when we visited non-profits around town. Today, I ran out of excuses to stall. I had to give my vocational talk.

I wrote my rough draft by hand a week ago, and typed it up on Sunday, making a few edits. I gave a copy to the woman in charge of the red badge program, and she approved it, and made sure that I was listed on the schedule for the program today. I barely ate, while nerves got the better of me, waiting for my turn to stand up. I kept telling myself that plenty of other Rotarians have stumbled through prepared and off-the-cuff speeches, and some have really opened up and made themselves vulnerable in their story-telling. If they could do it, I could do it, I repeated to myself. And then it was time. I tried to start with humor, like you're supposed to. I knew that I didn't have to explain what I did as a real estate agent. I spent my time telling them why I chose the profession, and how I got to the brokerage I did. In preparation for the speech, I counted how many times I've moved since birth. As a military brat and a military wife, plus a few trips back and forth to college and around Boulder, I have moved a grand total of thirty-three times. If this doesn't give me freakishly good house-hunting skills, nothing could. I also told the Rotary group how much I have focused my career on jobs that helped people directly. The big focus, though, was on how much I love volunteering. That's why I chose Headwaters Realty (where we are required to volunteer, and have plenty of chances to do so), and that's why I gravitated to Rotary.

I didn't stop shaking until after I'd sat back down and had a full cup of coffee. Several people gave me hugs and told me I did just fine, that they couldn't tell how nervous I was. I am so glad to have it done. Next week I will finally graduate to wearing a blue badge. I'm no longer a pledge. I'm a full member of the fraternity.