I don't know how to deal with the guilt. I was essentially unemployed for five years, and struggling to get started again for another year after that. I was at peace with doing nothing all day often enough. I got used to it. But now that I've started up again, and gotten busy, I have forgotten how not to do anything. The boss has been trying to drill this home to me for a year. He keeps warning me not to work round the clock, every day. He reminds me that he shuts his phone off around 6 pm, and he doesn't allow email to send notifications to it ever. He guards his weekends jealously, which is one of the reasons I tend to run his open houses for him. I'm still new and hungry, as it were, and willing to sacrifice my weekends.
Recently I have begun to carve out some time to myself again. It's harder than I thought it would be. I'm having trouble not micromanaging the deals that are in progress. I stayed home instead, and left the computer closed. I watched a little TV from my room. I put product in my hair after I washed it, so that it would air-dry with natural wave. I barely checked my phone. It really was glorious, doing nothing. I probably would have enjoyed a nap, but that wasn't in the cards.
Someday I'll remember how to balance these things again. I never was good at it. (Yet more proof that astrology is bunk, right? Libras are supposed to be balanced scales. Not so much.) I'll need more practice being busy to remind myself what full time work feels like, in order to rediscover how wonderful days off can be. Sure was nice having one today.
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