Now that the first round of testing is over, and the wait begins for the second, more invasive test, I've decided to open up about what is going on. If I have to agonize waiting for round two, y'all get to wait with me. There is no way I can do another two weeks of finding euphemisms along the lines of "feeling under the weather" to maintain secrecy. I don't have it in me to lie or hide things. Besides, long ago I accepted my role of serving as a warning to others. So be warned.
It was late summer or early fall 2016 the last time my doctor's office called me and said, "hey, knucklehead, go get a mammogram already." (I'm paraphrasing there.) I'd been thinking since last October that I was probably due again, but I did nothing about it. Around then I started thinking it was the underwire in my bra that was digging into the extra padding I carry under my arms, and that's what was making me sore there off and on. In January I had a recurring itch on one side that I also put far too little thought into. Then around the first of February I found the lump. I am, to put it mildly, a curvy girl. A lump was able to hide in my breast for quite a while. I don't know how long. Possibly up to two years, since just after the last mammogram. From the outside it felt as big as a grape. I went into the doctor a few days after I found it, telling the office manager who booked the appointment that I had no idea whether it was an infection or something scarier.
The doctor made a frowny face when she investigated it. She put in an order for a scan (and I believe I wrote at the time that it took five phone calls to get the appointment) and just in case, she initiated a referral to an oncologist, so that there would be no delay if I have to go to one. I don't think she expected it to take two weeks for the imaging center to see me. She also deleted the note the tech wrote in my chart that said I was theorizing it could be mastitis.
My scans were today. It was the regular squeezy mammogram, which felt decidedly less comfortable on the lump side. Then I went in for an ultrasound, and that also felt kind of icky when she pressed the wand down on me. The mass itself is roughly 7/8 of an inch. That's all I know about it. No dimpling of the skin, no description of the physical features of the lump, no other characterization. The one lymph node they looked at looked normal. So I guess that's mostly good?
I have to wait two whole weeks for a biopsy, and because of where it's located, I've been warned that it will be hard to numb. Hooray. In the meantime, I will continue to be freaked out by every little twinge of pain or discomfort (which is somewhat better now that I bought several bras without underwires). I expect I'll still feel run down, tired, and achy while I wait, if for no other reason than the continuation of stress. I remain optimistic, however, that it could be absolutely no big deal. Even if it is a big deal, the science has come a long way, and I will place my trust in science any day of the week. I got this.
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