Ah, you should have seen me. I was so proud of myself. I was showered, and my hair was washed, although I had to lie down for over an hour after I finished the shower. I put on "clothes" of a sort (ratty old gray sweatpants and a neon yellow tank top that emphasized the unsettling differences between my left and right sides, post-surgery). I had been brave enough to try some plain white rice earlier, so I thought, hey, if I pour beef broth over some of it, it will be kind of like soup. For the record, that is not how it works. Swanson's beef broth is useful in recipes, but straight up in a bowl? Yuck. But I gave it a solid effort. My stomach is still rolling.
But the best part? For the first time since Wednesday, I was sitting up in my chair. I was so happy! I dedicated about four minutes to that failed soup effort, and then I went and got a grape popsicle, which is supposed to help with nausea. I got three bites into it, and my stomach cramped hard. I pitched the popsicle to the counter, and went back to my usual routine. I've been back in bed ever since, including having my head all the way flat for most of that time. For a few minutes, I remembered what it was like to be me. And then it all went away again. Tonight is going to be Tylenol PM, I think. I still have the headache, and I'm allergic to some aspect of the port. It can only help me.
I am so grateful that the Mr is an adult who is totally content and capable of entertaining himself while I'm going through this. He puts no demands on me, other than that I continue to drink water and attempt other forms of nutrition periodically. There are people who go through this with young children. Children have trouble understanding boundaries, that when mommy feels bad, you have to stay out of her room. You can't have extra-loud fights with siblings, you can't crash stuff in the house, and expect to get away with it. Spare a kind thought for parents of young ones who have to go through chemo while still being mommy or daddy. My heart aches for those people, who can't just hide in their room with a pile of cats like I have done.
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