I washed my hair again in the shower. Three times as much came out just in my hands as yesterday. I can't count how many times I said "wow" or "oh, man," as I worked to rinse giant clumps off my fingers. It was enough. I hit the threshold to be done with it. I enlisted the Mr, who went and found his electric clippers, and he gave me a buzz cut. I felt like I should be singing "you're in the army now" kinds of songs while my hair hit the floor. I was dismayed to discover how uncomfortable the experience was. I kept flinching away from the buzzing clippers, and at least three times I asked whether there was one tooth on them that was bent out, scraping me. He swore they were fine. Eventually, the fine baby hair of my undercoat was too slippery for the electric trimmer, and we stopped. I was so glad that torture was over.
I intended to shave with a regular razor over the sink, to smooth everything out. I lathered my head up with hand soap, and washed off a ton of stubble, both droppings from the clippers and stuff that was short and just loose enough to come out. Then I tried to shave, both with and against the grain. I couldn't stand either way. Just like the clippers, it felt like there was a sharp bit poking out, trying to cut me. Turns out, it was really just my scalp, not the implements. I gave up, washed the best I could, and I'm getting used to the stubble for now. Hopefully by the weekend, the rest will fall out and not snag on my hats or pillowcases.
It's a whole new look for me, somewhere between my oldest (male) cousin and Lex Luthor. For reals, now that I see the shape of my skull in harsh light, I can totally see how I'm related to the Reynolds side of my family. As the hair came off, it was some freaky Mad Max style, and I was so glad it was temporary. Since then, I've discovered how cool a bald head is, and I mean temperature cool. I can't wait to see how I sleep tonight, with three fans blowing in my room. I'm slowly getting used to seeing myself in the mirror, up close. Still not enjoying how a tiny head makes a body look even bigger.
Okay, I am going to be brave and put up the pictures. They aren't pretty, but I'm committed to honest representation of what it's like going through cancer. To those of you who knew my family going back a couple generations, one question: do you also see L.B.?
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