Round One

Inspirational song: Keep Yourself Alive (Queen)

Good news, the infusion process is much milder than I ever imagined. I've always seen images (and recently in person) of people limp and groggy in the recliners in chemo rooms, and I assumed that getting the poison into your veins absolutely sucked. It really wasn't that bad. They gave me benadryl first, which mellowed me out right quick. Then there was an anti-nausea push, which should be good for three days (bless them!). Then the two different chemo drugs came, one after another, with a quick potty break in between. (Funny, getting all kinds of liquids pumped into your veins, while being encouraged to drink lots of water, fills your bladder quickly. Also, the RN told me last Thursday that I am absolutely not to "hold it" for any length of time. She doesn't want any buildup in there, which could do damage. Okay, then.)

During the first drug, and I do not remember which was first at this point, the benadryl was still in effect. I had a hard time focusing or staying awake, although I never fully slept, as far as I could tell. I couldn't access the wi-fi. (It apparently wasn't secure so my iPad refused to go to web pages or let apps work right.) The only thing I could play was Civilization, and it was just too mentally taxing for the shape I was in. So I pulled out the pink satin sleep mask I bought, and put borrowed headphones on, listening to my downloaded music. I probably got between 10 and 20 minutes of near-sleep. It wasn't bad. I was a little more alert and hungry for the second infusion, and I went through a fair bit of the snacks we brought. By the time it was over, I was surprised at how fast it went. The Mr was probably more bored than I was, but he did have games to play and more patience for the poor cell signal to scroll through Facebook.

I have the Neulasta thingy on the back of my arm, flashing its little LED light every few seconds until it starts to infuse somewhere around 3:00 Tuesday afternoon. I'm hoping that I'm up to attending Rotary lunch while I wait for it. If I feel this good tomorrow, I will. As for how exactly I feel -- maybe the correct description is "not as bad as I expected." I have a little headache, that has been with me for a few hours. I didn't take my pills until late today, and I have been told to eliminate all the supplements that can be considered anti-oxidants (basically it leaves the Rx drugs and vitamin D). I keep having bouts of hunger, but figuring out what food will taste good is difficult. I want meat, but I don't want to commit to much of it. I tried bacon and it just tasted bitter. I appear to be a little bloated. I weighed myself, and I'm five pounds higher than when I left this morning. My ring is tight and my bracelets are irritating me. The best thing of all, though, is that the port isn't bothering me as much. The steroids I have to take for three days (hence the bloating) seem to have calmed the itch, and taken the red out of the rash (still bumpy and peeling).

My hair and skin feel unusually soft. They're usually pretty good with the clean diet I hold to (because I have to). But this feels sort of weird. The roots of my hair just feel like they are in shock, kind of lying down instead of actively growing. I'm sure this is all imaginary. It just shouldn't happen this fast. I don't remember how much I've said to my friends and family who keep suggesting I'll keep my hair, but I have the explanation why it's probably a goner. The two chemo drugs act differently. One is more of a general drug, that is really good for blood cancers, for example. It works on cells no matter what phase they are in. The one specific to breast cancer (and a few other tumor-based cancers) work directly on rapidly-dividing cells, which tumors are. It kills cells that are always growing, like hair. That's why it falls out during chemo. I accept this explanation, and am preparing myself accordingly.