I just had to get cocky. I had to brag about how much I was doing and how awesome it was to feel like a normal human being. I was too active for too many days in a row, and I paid for it today. I failed to sleep last night, I couldn't get out of bed this morning, and once I finally made it to my favorite chair, I spent nearly the entire day in it. I have had many "concrete in the lungs" episodes over the last eight years or so, and today was one of them. I now have a few devices available to me that I didn't have before, and now I know that my blood pressure, heart rate, and oxygen saturation go down at times like this, and my toes and fingers turn purple (commonly referred to as "Raynaud's phenomenon"). Those few times that I tried to walk around a little, I was unsteady on my feet, like I just couldn't work the muscles that do all the tricks to balance a body in motion. It's pretty stinking humbling, having these days to remind me what my life entails now.
It was just as well that I spent all day in one spot. I plan on being here a few more hours yet before I'm done. Another one of the feral mamas on the kitten cam has gone into labor, and just since I started typing this paragraph, I heard the voice of Shelly the World's Greatest Feline Doula declare that Starling the dilute calico is in active labor. At one point I had all four members of my pride helping me with the kittenwatch, until a thunderstorm blew in, and brave, brave Sir Alfred, he bravely ran away. And then Jackie and Athena brought in a series of grasshoppers to murder while we waited. Rabbit just spent the evening making sure my knees were warm and hyperextended. My fur kids have mostly gotten bored, but Jack has wandered back into the room to purr along with the purring cat on the cam, and Alfred is hiding underneath my legs, so he can listen but be safe in case another rain drop falls outside.
I hope this down day is just a short interlude, and that tomorrow I can get back on my trajectory towards a semblance of normality. It was fun, feeling like I had a handle on real life again. I don't think this is the start of another flare, or a continuation of the long one that took me down most of this year. I'm fairly certain it was just a much needed rest. It's what I am telling myself, and I don't want anyone to tell me differently.
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