Extroverted

Inspirational song: Bold as Love (Jimi Hendrix)

Well, today could not have been more different than yesterday. After allowing myself a blanket fort rest period, I spent all day being productive and extroverted. For the entire day, I wanted to be visible. It has been years since I found myself wanting to be looked at and talked to this often. I was stuck in a horrible rut of feeling bad and feeling worse about my appearance. I'm getting to a place where I feel healthy enough to dress well, stand straight, and make eye contact more often than not. It has only taken seven or eight years for me to loop back around to this mindset. So glad to be here. So glad.

I had a few people suggest that I needed to go shopping for a new rheumatologist, because I hadn't gotten super clear communication with the one I've been seeing. But I hung in there, and gave her more chances. I'm glad I did. I think we've gotten past the awkward stage, and we are on the same wavelength now. Today went very well, and we covered a lot of ground. She approves the new supplements I added in without seeking permission first (turmeric capsules). She also allowed me my first real painkillers since all of this started in January. You can't imagine what fun it was going through a major flare of a chronic pain illness with nothing to take the edge off except Tylenol. And finally, we revisited the conversation about fibromyalgia. As she says, it's a diagnosis of exclusion, so it will take a while to decide that it is in play, but as of yet, it's still on the table.

Since I was dressed so cute for my doctor visit, and craving public attention, I went out to lunch with my girlfriends, wandered the streets of Boulder with my roommate, and even went back out and walked again after dark in my favorite public park. It was just too good of a day not to be out and active. It was cloudy and cool in Boulder, perfect for a walk. An awful lot of people seemed to agree with us. I managed not to spend much money, just restocked my favorite kind of incense, and I dropped a dollar into the open case of a rather talented banjo player. Saw a guy making art on a fountain using only leaves. Great day. It was capped off after dark when we arrived at our usual park to find that they are indeed constructing an outdoor skating rink, as we suspected. For the first time since childhood, I am imagining that I will be able to ice skate. Skating used to wreck my ankles, because I never knew how to control them to avoid strain. How far I have come, to be bold enough to test my muscles, joints, and balance in such a way, and think I might just get away with it. I don't know when this rink will be open to the public, but it will be far enough out that I can start doing some conditioning to prepare. Winter is coming, and I'm going to be ready.