I really must not have been paying attention. Wasn't it just last week that I was griping about the weather continuing to hit the 90 degree mark, and I was worrying about how much water my lawn was requiring to grow to unmanageable lengths? I was struggling to keep the hanging baskets of flowers alive because the soil dried out so quickly in the sun. It hasn't been that long since I purchased an extra fan to put on my bedside table, so that I had a hope of being cool enough to sleep for half an hour at a time. I must have blinked, because suddenly two days ago I noticed how many crunchy brown leaves are in the gutter just beyond the sidewalks. The nights are getting cold enough that on my frequent wake-ups, I find myself shutting off those fans, including having to talk myself into getting out from under the covers to walk to the window, to stop the downright chilly air from blowing in. Yesterday I bought a different blanket, one that my doctor insisted I use. This one is a simple woven cotton number, more breathable than my thin quilt, so that I might be warm enough to sleep and cool enough to sleep through a hot flash. Today, while I had the back door open so the Pride could roam while I cleaned house, a strong autumn wind picked up, and sent falling leaves dancing through the Park. I really should have taken my radio outside to listen to the game out there, to truly enjoy the beauty of the day. It's probably okay that I didn't. My neighbors might have wondered what that crazy lady was up to, coaching the players from the safety of my internet connection, purring compliments like a soccer mom stroking the egos of a team of five year olds.
I let myself get completely spun up listening to the game, strung out on too much caffeine and enthusiasm. By the time my team had held on to win, I was unable to be still to save my life. (And really, not being still will effectively save my life, won't it?) I grabbed my purse and ran to the grocery store on a quick errand, and upon leaving, thought, I'm already out, and I have an excess of nervous energy. Why don't I go ahead and go for a walk? My roommate wasn't home today, so I took myself over to the park with a path that loops a pond, and zipped around it for a couple quick laps. My pace was quicker, for being out in the shoulder-high weeds under a nearly moonless sky all by myself, hoping that this park was far enough away from the mountains and deep enough in the city that there would be no mountain lions or other predators all too happy to find an unsuspecting human chew toy wandering by. (There is actually a lot of open space and undeveloped land west of this park, so I might have been unjustifiably confident in assuming a lack of predators.) The air was crisp, and although I had failed to grab a jacket on the way out the door, my activity kept me feeling comfortable on the walk. The best thing I proved to myself was what I had suspected weeks ago, that I didn't need to have an over-six-foot-tall male bodyguard on my walks after dark to feel both safe and inspired to go out and get my exercise. In the past I would have taken Bump and Elsa with me to have the same feeling of confidence, but since they don't live here anymore, I have been reluctant to go out much alone late at night. (I do really miss having them along on my late night walks, even if I didn't ever get used to how much Elsa pulled on the lead.) I'm not sure I'll ever get another dog to make up for their absence, but it might be nice if I were to get visitation rights to them once in a while.
One thing my roommate has been good for is reminding me nearly every day to stop and appreciate how far I've come. He says "today was a good day" often, like it is a mantra that helps him stay centered. Even though I didn't see him today to hear him say it, he's imprinted that on my psyche enough that I have learned to say it myself. Today was a good day. I am stronger, relying on myself, and accomplishing a great deal as I build myself back up and improve my immediate environment. This is a welcome change from where I was six months ago. Very welcome.
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