Now that I had a couple of days to process my new (same as the old) diagnosis, I've spent a lot of time saying to myself, a-ha, so that's what was going on there. My fatigue levels have been super high for a few months, and not just when I face a blank blog template every night, wanting to start with "I'm just so tired," every time. I have no stamina, even for the littlest activities. Every morning I sit in my favorite chair, and have one or two cups of coffee, and by 9 in the morning, I'm nodding off again (especially when I have two cups.) Every afternoon between 2 and 4 pm, I just start to fade, and I typically have to go all the way back to bed for an extended nap, not rest my eyes sitting in a chair. These are all the familiar pattern from late 2018 and early 2019, while I was still wondering what the heck was wrong with me.
Also like before, I gained a bunch of weight quickly, without a corresponding large increase in calories. (Yes, mister gastroenterologist from 2017-18, I said gained, so shove it with your "we don't even look for cancer unless you suddenly lose a bunch of weight" nonsense.) And I've had a persistent cough that the ENT swears is gastric reflux, even though I don't experience any other symptoms. I'll run that one past my oncologist before I put that issue to bed.
I've tried to keep moving and keep myself busy, so I don't dwell on things before the appointment tomorrow. But It's hard. Even having gone through this before two years ago, it's still cancer. Everyone freaks out at least a little when they hear that word. I'll know more by the time I write tomorrow night, how it will be treated and how that will affect my summer plans. Until then, I think I have some cute baby pictures I can focus on.
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